I’m not gonna reveal my name, but you can call me Justin. I’m 13 and I’ve been secretly depressed since I was 12. My life is good as a whole, I have loving parents, and a loving brother (and family), but I still don’t feel loved. They don’t know I’m suicidal, but they might suspect it. I’m not asking for sympathy, but I have been thinking about suicide ever since I entered this new Catholic school. I am 95% convinced that I’m bisexual, and I’ve told some of my friends. They support my sexuality, but I need someone. Someone to love. Someone to hug. My parents and my family will hug me, but I feel that their love isn’t special. I’m overweight, and at a school filled to the brim with rules, deadlines, and judgement. Mostly from girls. It seems that everyone else there is so thin, and in shape, and happy with their lives, and just so much better than me at everything. I doubt anyone at the school would notice or care if I died. I hate myself, my life, and I need someone. I have a crush on this guy that I’ve known for so long. He’s my best friend. I tell everything to him, but I don’t think he loves me. I can’t imagine how anyone could love me, with how fat, and annoying, and whiney, and ugly I am. I just need someone. I need him. Help me before I hurt myself.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
7 comments
You are so young, and when you find the right person (which can be temporary) he or she will love you for who and what you are not how you look. At your age is all about discovering yourself. Trust me, enjoy being single and learn to love yourself in order for someone else to love you.
Thanks for the fast (and first) reply. It makes me seem like someone cares about how I feel other than my family members. And I read what your going through, I really wish I could empathize more, but just know that someone else kind of knows (if even just a little bit) what you’re going through.
I feel you. I may be older but you know how you feel, don’t let other people discredit your thoughts because of how you look or how old you are. Don’t let yourself be consumed by the idea that you feel this way because you’re only 13, you’re old enough to understand your thoughts and your feelings. My best piece of advice to give to you now is this; Do some soul searching, and start working out how you would be able to express some of these thoughts to your friends. It’s hopeless to confide suicidal thoughts to family members, it got me landed in a hospital for months on end. Not saying that it’s such a bad thing to be hospitalized, but you miss a fuck ton of school and that’s how you end up graduating with no more than a 1.8 GPA. Now “Justin”, I’m a musician. I find that music is the best way to soul search sometimes. Write a poem while you listen, or just sit and ponder your existence in all of it’s entirety and it’s complexity. I encourage you to listen to this mix of music that I’m going to leave in a link at the bottom of this message, and take some time to think about yourself and how you want to portray who you are. Because no matter what man, you are another human being. Defy whatever labels people have put on you, and own yourself. You are just as complex and just as interesting as anyone else out there, and who you are can be the very reason that love finds you. You don’t need to look like you were chiseled by angels. You just need to be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be. If that means your a bisexual guy with a burning desire at any point in the day to go grab a smoothie and talk the latest in mens fashion with a friend, then put on some nice clothes and be the best fucking bisexual mens fashion enthusiast that there ever was. You got my support, and the massive LGBT community to help you all the way there. Now, listen to this mix man, this is the most relaxing type of music that I can offer you besides the sound of rain against a sheet metal roof and the distant sound of thunder. You ever need to talk about things, myself and all others on here got your back. One love.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQpR38gwdbs
Lord.
Isn’t it tough, being suicidal, even when things are decent: home, family, food, warmth.
And yet sadness is still there.
It seems like people who have it worse should be the ones complaining, yet I think it hurts in a different (not deeper) way that knowing you feel pain for no reason hurts a bit more. Sure there may be underlying reasons as well.
Take care and get better.
Don’t do anything crazy.
I’m not too far ahead of you, only 16, but if you keep getting worse, nothing will be worth living for. Get help if it gets worse. I didn’t.
And now I’m stuck 😛 Take care. Sending you love.
Thank you all. Really. Thank you for helping me, the random 13 year old from the Internet. You guys really helped me. If even for just one night (it’s night where I am). And your making an account here probably means that you’ve got something going on too, or maybe you just came here to help. Anyway, I hope you guys sort out your problems. Thanks ?
You still have a long way to go. You could end up realizing that you’re not bisexual, that what you’re feeling for your friend is just deep admiration, and that you actually don’t desperately need someone. I doubt that in your whole school you’re the only one that feels that way tho, and what we see from people is pretty different than what they’re actually feeling.
As it stands… you might consider focusing on finding a way to love yourself, which imho, is a lot more important than having someone that loves you, because at 13 you have your whole life ahead of you. Everyone has negative and positive features, so you might just be too hard on yourself.
You are so young. When I was 13, I had a bad depressive bout, but by the next school year, things leveled out a bit. I know you said you are in a Catholic school and it is a new school. New experiences are always hard to get through. Give it some time. I had absolutely no clue who I was at your age. Just hang in there and try to talk to people you are close with.