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Time will tell

by Drowning

well were to start well having to get up for college at 6 am today and tomorrow and mayb Friday Which really dose suck because I hate college now but I’m one of them people that have to finish something They start OCD maybe who knows

but the worst part is no not having to get up and go to college which u hate or get up at 6 am

The problem is waking up at all I really didn’t plan on living this long I really didn’t I should really have died at 18 or 19 so I’m like a decade over due and still don’t no what to do with my life

has it got any better no it hasn’t why am I still waiting around I GUESS ITS THE WHAT IF question but I honestly don’t no what to do with myself or my life mayb it not my destiny to die early after my 2nd attempt which was not every planned out but one thing I can say is if things don’t get better it will make me try harder next time it feels like a gamble with life right now should I stay or fold ?

Time will tell

how is everyone on SP today ?

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PhantomCitizen43 3/16/2016 - 2:50 pm

Im doing OK. Kind of having one of those days where Im a little down and getting sick of it being this way all the time.
Well I read your post. I read a lot of your posts. Yeah I can see where you are coming from. I am 43 years old myself and have no idea how I have lived this long. I truly used to think that I would have a short life. My life has been really hard and I just thought that maybe it would be cut short somehow so I wouldn’t have to deal with the pain so much longer. But dam the thing keeps going. Life just keeps going. Whew

Yeah College is difficult. I am not in school at this point but I always have nightmares at night that I am back in college but I am behind in all my classes and have that feeling like I am about to fail and flunk out. I have these kinds of nightmares all the time.

I always new that life could go all the way into the 60’s or 70’s or later… because we all know people who are elderly. But i never expected that it would be such a long journey to get there. ha ha I had no idea that even at 43 I’d feel like I’ve had enough sometimes. I mean. Life can be hard. But well can say is hang in there. For me the thing that keeps me going is that I have a good family and good friends and I enjoy my time with them. and I have a lot of interests that keep me busy. SO I just keep plugging away trying to make the most of things and keep hoping that somehow my life will get easier and better someday. (my life has never been easy)
I hope your life gets better and easier too. Hang in there with the schooling. It will pay off later on and you will be glad you hung in there.
\Good luck/

Drowning 3/16/2016 - 4:29 pm

Thanks phantom I will try hopefully things get better

Hazy Day Sunflower 3/16/2016 - 2:52 pm

All has become peaceful. Sometimes live hands me lemonade.

Drowning 3/16/2016 - 4:31 pm

That’s good hazy u having a smooth day I take it

4beyondhelp 3/16/2016 - 3:38 pm

haha kinda shitty, and once again the only reason is me. i can’t handle even basic things. need to cut so bad but of course I don’t have the privacy to do it well, plus I didn’t bring my blades with me since i’m trying to quit… being around people and having things to do is too much for me even though it shouldn’t be. existing is just too much

4beyondhelp 3/16/2016 - 3:43 pm

I don’t plan on living much longer either but then who knows, I’m a huge coward so I might be stuck here.
sorry about having to get up at 6 or having to go through with something you don’t like, but if you do end up living til you’re 80 you might as well try to plan a little for the future you might or might not have. at least that’s how I act, if I end up not having the strength to kill myself at least I shouldn’t make life harder for my future self…
I hope things get better for you. even if it’s just a small thing, like your classes will start later

Drowning 3/16/2016 - 4:40 pm

Thanks beyond that’s good u ain’t cut I plan on cutting tomo or Friday I don’t have another out let right now and haven’t got the mental strength to go gym right now and well it’s true about planning for the future well I’ll see how things go the courage builds up over time the darker the hole the harder to try right now the hole is dark if things don’t lighten up soon il try again with more planning and prep

mindlessgamer619 3/16/2016 - 4:37 pm

Is there any way you can possibly take night classes? Then you could sleep in the day if you wanted..
I thought that I wouldn’t be able to take night classes, but now, maybe I could…
I hate college myself. It’s just becoming more and more of a waste of time.
Everything is becoming a waste of time…..
Honestly, I’m grateful for my SP friends, and the occasional videogame that actually excites me a bit, and being able to just write my stories…
Idk how I’m feeling but you are so considerate to ask. Thank you.
I hope things work out for you. I really do..

Drowning 3/16/2016 - 4:53 pm

Same here mindless everything right now seems pointless and iv lost interest in everything I’m almost done at college but it has sucked the life out of me this month my teacher is cool tho he knows I’m depressed but I don’t even no what to do once if finish only God knows and I’m greatful for this site to unload I’m kinda in the same boat as u

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