I have a question for everyone on here. I’ve been dealing with suicidal thoughts and depression and anxiety shit for about a year now. Whenever I have a good day (though those are extremely rare), I find myself missing the mental state I am comfortable in–the state where thoughts of suicide and self harm control me. Does that happen to anyone else? Does anyone else purposefully trigger themselves to be in a depressive state when they are in a “normal,” good, happy mood? Or is that just me? I don’t know why I do it…but I do. Sometimes I am mad at myself for doing. Other times, though, I am mad at myself for not doing it. This is all just very confusing to me. I honestly don’t know why I’m even writing this. I guess I just want to know if anyone else purposefully gets themselves into moods where they are down and think about self harm and suicide.