Everyone seems pretty adamant I’m going to college tomorrow. They don’t understand that I don’t need college, I’m doing a bakery business and I’m going to write. Wasting my time and effort at college doing art is stupid when I could be writing, or starting up the bakery.
I gave a hint about me not going, and my mum blew up at me on several occasions today. Great. I need to just avoid it all week until Friday, and tell my therapist. She’ll get it across into my Mum’s thick skull that I don’t need college. I’m going to fail anyway so why drag it out for another 2 months?bi may as well just drop out now.
I could probably pretend I’m going into college in the morning, and instead go the library to research, or go to the shop and preorder things for my bakery. Or I could get a doctor’s appointment just to get out of college instead.
Because my Mum’s gone to bed she’s made me go to my room (it’s not even midnight yet), so I have my TV on loud just for the heck of it.
I’ve started planning out a new novel, too. So I have that to focus on as well. I stayed away from everyone all day so I didn’t annoy them with constant talking and energy, and yet I’m still yelled at for stupid things – which sets my anger off that has been awful since I’ve been so hyper, so things have been said which probably shouldn’t have. But I couldn’t care less about it.
On another note, I have a few basic phrases for some of the places I’m stopping in during my trip, and I’ve made a list of things to take – all of which done while I should’ve been doing an essay that’s due tomorrow. This is more important, though. Everyone just needs to get it. Christ, it’s not that hard.
8 comments
I decided not to go to university because of writing too. Mom made me go through so much stress just to get accepted. After the first couple of days of lectures I told her I’m thinking of suicide again and she stopped bothering me with the whole education thing. I can’t survive social environment. It kills me. It takes my air. People think I’m joking.
Don’t pretend. Be honest and make it clear you have a plan for yourself and you want to work on it. It’s your life. Be proud of your choices, because even if they are wrong, in the end they will give you precious experience. Or many many great writing ideas. I find suffering incredibly inspirational. Good luck, I hope I read something written by you some day. Do you have something published?
I will tell you that I’m glad you have an alternative. And even thought your parents may not like it, you have an alternative and you’re sticking with it. I wish you the best of luck.
College is pissing me off too. My issue is i don’t know what I want to do now….
Again I wish you best of luck and I hope your efforts result in success.
Isn’t ‘college’ the final couple years of high school where you live? If that’s the case, you shouldn’t drop out, hun. I’ve read your posts over the past while so I know how hard it is for you, but a high school equivalency of education is pretty much necessary to succeed at anything in life. A university degree people can survive without, but when folks quit their high school years without graduating, they often have to go back to ‘adult school’ and study again. It’s better to have it over and done with while you’re still young.
If you did complete all the high school years in your region and received your diploma, disregard what I said. (Though university level post-secondary education is also best to take when you’re still in your late teens/early 20’s. Life tends to get in the way after that.)
If you’re from the UK, yeah def you should finish your basic education. I’ve been to the said ‘adult school’ nepheliad mentioned and yeah… Everybody who didn’t graduated goes there at some point. I had classmates who were over 40. High school is annoying as fuck, but… if you aren’t talking about the other kind of college, maybe you should think about dropping out a little more. I wanted to drop out so so so so bad… I know the feels if that’s your case. Just think it out really well before you actually do it.
College in the UK is just for A-levels, which means you can go to Uni with whichever A-level course you took. I have all my grades from high school as we do all our exams in year 11. The only reason I would ‘need’ to stay in college now would be if I failed English or maths, which I didn’t. I only take Art by itself, so the only ‘bad’ thing about dropping out would mean I can’t go to Uni for art – though I doubt I’d have coped anyway, mental illness has gotten in the way of the last 4/5 years of my education – it’s a wonder I passed high school considering the state I was in last year during exams.
The only problem with me being honest about dropping out to pursue other things is my family aren’t the least bit supportive. My mum has always said that I’m ‘not allowed to drop out’. However, every time she says that she follows with ‘your money will stop’ – she gets money since I’m still in education. And I feel that she’s just using me to get money and doesn’t give a shit about my well-being, or the fact that I’ve changed my mind on where I want to go in life. Every time I bring up college and dropping out my mum always says that even if I don’t want to do art after these 2 years, I still need to suffer through it all because I’m already almost through the first year. I’ve said countless times how much I hate this course and it’s pointless, but she still won’t cave.
I still have issues with the voices and the Others, and she still forces me to go in and basically says she doesn’t care about all this shit I’m going through right now.
Literally, the last thing she said before she went to bed was ‘don’t give me shit in the morning about college because I don’t care, you’re fucking going in’. Not my first choice for a ‘goodnight’, but it’s what I’ve become used to hearing now.
Parents say some crazy shit. When I said to my mom I want to take my own life because being alive hurts me to the point of losing worth, she told me ‘no, you don’t’. She didn’t change her answer for a couple of years. We had to go trough a lot of conversations until she started getting I wasn’t joking. She likes to pretend nothing’s happening. She’s improving with time, but I still don’t think she fully understands I’m on the edge and I need one little push.
Parents are very good at hiding things and feelings. You might be wrong about your mom. Of course you also might be right. If you’re completely sure she doesn’t care about you, then do what you find reasonable and take care for yourself the way you need. You are in a shitty position and I’m sorry. Sometimes you can’t escape form shit. I still can’t make enough money to support myself and I have to live with my crazy family. Everyone is fucking depressed and suicidal here.
Anyway, think well. Think and rethink. Do what is best for you. If your parents are the worse kind who really don’t give a shit about their kid, then you don’t have much to lose anyway. But if they care, take the time to talk to them and not even once – many times. They will get used to it after a while. It’s a cope reaction. That’s what mine did when I served them some news they didn’t expected.
I really hope you keep drawing and painting.
What a wonderful career choice to bake, draw and write…sounds idyllic to me!