first post.

whats on my mind…..well suicide. It has been for as long as I can remember, in one form or another. The last month it has gotten stronger tho. I watched “the bridge”, and now cant stop watching the footage of people jumping off the bridge. The thought of the release of pain when at last u get to fly must be beautiful. I think thats why people choose that method. Anyway I opened up and told my wife about what ive been watching and my thoughts on it and she was shocked and worried. I do suffer mental illness and we both have pretty large probs with addiction to opiates but I didnt think I was actually suicidal. I mentioned it to my clinic dr and she almost scheduled me!! (That means committed for psych evaluation in Australia). So now im just keeping things to myself. And sharing here I guess. Anyway, im new here and its my first foray into some form of social media. (Im far too private for face book etc. Plus its all just surface bullshit, no real depth). So im gonna post some stuff, read some stuff, and maybe even connect with someone who understands.
Ps. I don’t think suicide is selfish, its a choice about ur life. No one elses. and sorry for long post. I like writing.