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Glad it’s the weekend

by Wintergirl

I’ve had a long week. My mood has been so up and down all week but I hope it will end on a good point.  I’ve been contemplating going back on meds for my depression and anxiety.  Mostly for the anxiety.  I tried to get help a year ago. Guessing my doctor ignored my depression questionable that the nurse filled out for me at my last physical.  They want me to go back to my therapist I guess. I sorta wish I would but I can’t bring myself to do it.  The thing is I know I have a balance but am not sure how much and I’m kind of embarrassed because of it. Another thing is that right before I decided to quit therapy I had hit a wall, wasn’t making any progress and wasn’t caring either. I have reached a point where I believe I probably need a little help. I’m starting to become horribly bitter again. Then the thoughts start up again, how I’m better off dead.  They started up again when I first found this site, back in February,  I was so depressed and obviously suicidal.  I hadn’t been in that type of mindset to that extreme in a good 7-8 year. I’m really not sure the thoughts ever went away, I just fell into self medicating, mostly alcohol. The issues continue and I just feel trapped I guess. I’m mellowing out as the years go by but the shit still gets to me and I am aware I’m being vague,  not in the mood tonight to write out every damn thing that’s got me thinking this way. But I do want to thank everyone who reaches out to help. That’s why I like this place.  People get me.

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Cordless 4/30/2016 - 3:01 am

I still haven’t found any depression meds that actually work, and some of them have awful side effects.

Currently on Amitryptaline.
We keep increasing the dosage (10, 25, 50, 75)…
and I notice nothing.
I expect it will be moved up to 100 at the next appointment.

At least it’s one of the few meds where I don’t notice any side effects.
Ironically it’s supposed to have drowsiness as a side effect, so I take it right before bedtime.
Here I am at 3:00 in the morning, not drowsy at all.

Wintergirl 4/30/2016 - 3:20 am

I’ve been on Paxil (never again) prozac made me so sick. A while lot of other meds either didn’t help or more terrible side effects. I had some I know helped but lamicatal all I can think of, the other one helped with pain and I’m drawing such a blank on the name. Of course klonopin and ativan helped too but I thought I was not going to survive coming off them so I am not sure about benzos anymore. I definitely don’t want to get addicted again.

Cordless 4/30/2016 - 3:34 am

I can barely remember all the ones I’ve tried over the years.

Prozac, Zoloft, Trazadone, Wellbutrin, Cymbalta, Klonopin… plus more.

I can’t handle SSRI’s or SNRI’s at all.

It would be great if they could just have a miraculous breakthrough where they learn that depression is instantaneously cured by wearing nothing but Saran Wrap and doing 50 sit-ups under a pine tree.

Not because I would want to try that, but because it would be fascinating to watch all the other people trying it.

Wintergirl 4/30/2016 - 3:43 am

Omg I seriously laughed. I would try Cymbalta again. That’s what I was talking about. I really am not a candidate for Wellbuteron, I have an increased risk for seizures. I recently bought one of those exercise balls that are good for yoga and sit ups and push ups. Once I actually take it out of the box and use it I’ll let you know if I am magically cured.

Cordless 4/30/2016 - 4:20 am

Don’t forget the Saran Wrap and pine tree.

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