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Haha… haha… haha…… I need some help

by DarkTide

Well I am kinda… in agony. Nothing makes sense. Like I dont feel happiness… I am just empty and the emptiness hurts… a lot.

I am kind of done with everything.

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Cordless 4/15/2016 - 2:50 pm

This is me lately too.
And by “lately” I mean the past several years, though the past week has been worse.

The emptiness hurts, like you said.

Big things that NEED to make sense simply don’t make any sense at all, and nobody else seems to get why that’s a huge problem.

I lived through my suicidal OD last week, and so here I am stuck in exactly the kind of limbo you mentioned.

It is a mess, isn’t it?

DarkTide 4/15/2016 - 3:09 pm

Jip… a huge giant mess. One that does not want to go away. I woke up yesterday morning to go hang myself. I was ready… but I postponed because I thought holding on would make things better.

It never makes things better. I am tired of this. Tired of fighting this war. War of self hatred, a war where I will never love, a war where I am so weak. Im so tired of this.

Cordless 4/15/2016 - 3:42 pm

I think a lot of us here are fighting that same war.

DarkTide 4/15/2016 - 3:30 pm

I have no one. I am so useless. I spend my weekends in my room because I cant do anything else because I live on a farm. I cant do this anymore. There is no good in my life. Noone who makea ne happy… nothing makes me happy Any more.

Cordless 4/15/2016 - 3:45 pm

I spend a lot of time in my room too, both from the depression and the disability issues.

It’s a big giant deal when I am able to get out of bed, get dressed, and actually leave to go do something.

Thursday I actually got a few things done that I had been postponing for a long time.

It was nice to get it done, but at the same time it sucked all the energy right out of me.

Most people have no idea how getting out and doing things can suck the energy away and leave you/me feeling worse.

DarkTide 4/15/2016 - 4:06 pm

I made a promise to myself that I would end this world with a smile on my face. Im going to try my best while I am hanging there.

Procel 4/15/2016 - 4:13 pm

we must break, truly break, only then can we find ourselfs, and even then we have to rebuild ourselfs from the destroyed remains of our psyche, much like a phoenix we are reborn from the ashes of our mind. We havent interacted that much, you and I. but the one or two posts and comments of yours ive read tell me you are important here. dont do anything rash eh, cordless has your back, listen to her. not me, im wasted, but she probably speaks sense

forgotten 4/16/2016 - 3:20 am

Hey darktide,
are you still with us?

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