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I am alone.

by DarkTide

I have officially told her its time to end our friendship. I got tired of chasing after her. She started coming to me for advice about another guy, that hurt more than anything. I did it because I couldnt stand seeing her with another guy. Apparently I dont love her. I dont know.

I am alone now. I have an empty pain now. I am so alone. My parents are here but they are blind to things.

I guess I am saying I am alone even though I have all of you here. I dont know most of you. I guess I should introduce myself. My name is Alec. I am 21 years old but empty inside. I am over life.

I dont know when I will do it but please dont message me or contact me (especially you Ylem)

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11 comments

Stellarchild 4/17/2016 - 2:23 pm

I have a feeling that you choose the right thing. It may hurt now, but if u continue with ur perusing it would hurt even more later. You did the right thing DakTide.. And feeling empty and sad is only a natural. in the following days she may contact u through many way and apologizing or you wouldnt be able to bear this emptiness and accept the sourness of being with someone u love but doesnt share the same feelings just of the sake of being with her. That moment eith inevitably come.. u should steel urself from now
Am sorry but i never experienced love.. So i cant really do u much good.. However i still see u did the best thing by detaching urself because one sided love Is surely nothing .. but a waste of time.

Procel 4/17/2016 - 2:25 pm

We are never truely alone, we have each other, and as long as we have that we can never be alone. With regards to the woman I don’t know the full story but I two have had a woman that saw me only as a friend while I worshiped the ground she walked on, and she knew it. She would often talk to me a bout her boyfriends and all the sex she was having knowing I was crazy for her and it hurt like a mutherfucker until I couldn’t do it anymore. We don’t talk now and for a while it hurt worse than anything but you do get past it. There’s nothing in life we cant come back from, just have faith.

BL98 4/17/2016 - 2:48 pm

in fact , i think we are alone all our life , even if we have so many people around us . Let me justify myself by asking you a question : is there someone that knows you as better as you do yourself ? i mean , even if we share memories with others and things like that , no one knows us better than we do and no one will ever be able to understand someone else … it’s sad but it’s true … don’t you think so ?

Procel 4/17/2016 - 3:08 pm

BL98 I actually disagree with you there. For me there is at least one person, someone I met here of all places, many years ago, who understands me better than I understand myself. Tho that may be because I often have trouble understanding why I do/feel a certain way but they always know. Its an utterly bizar thing, to get insight about yourself from someone else. The fact is we feel so alone because our depression isolates us, it doesn’t mean we are alone, we merely believe we are because our depression tells us so. But a believe in something doesn’t make it fact

BL98 4/17/2016 - 2:52 pm

hello DarkTide , i’m in the same situation as you do , you know ? i have a crush for someone for 6 years now … i was never able to get past it and never had a real relationship just so she will be my first and only … and even if i try so hard i can’t stop hating her for making me suffer so much for all these years and you know what’s worse ? she only wants us to talk when she is bored . Fucking people man , fucking monsters . Anyway , i’m happy for you that you came to a resolve , hope you find someone that truly deserves you , and i know you will .

rocketman 4/17/2016 - 2:54 pm

DarkTide,

you ready for the craziest reply ever! i’m never alone! i’m always with myself, best description i have two brains! i talk to myself i agree with myself i laugh at myself, sometimes when i’m with someone i’m like, get out here! 2 company 3 a crowd! 🙂

forevertormented 4/17/2016 - 4:27 pm

Hello Alec. Speaking from a lot of experience. It does get easier. It sucks beyond belief when it happens. The loneliness, depression, hopelessness, brokenness, heartache. Tormenting thoughts consuming your every waking moment. I’ve been there more times than I can count. I’m dealing with something similar now. I drown myself in music and helpful YouTube videos. You’re NOT alone sweetheart, trust me. I’m a 27 year old woman. I’ve been to the absolute bottom before wanting so badly to die and tried to but failed. The fact that you reached out is so amazing. You’re not a burden or unworthy to be loved. The right person will want you as much as you want them. Sometimes darkness will show you the light. People who struggle like us are Phoenix’s. We can rise from the ashes of a devastating heart break. I hope you stick around. The world would lose an amazing guy if you left. Good people are SOOOOO hard to find. We must stick together so the a-holes don’t completely take over!!! That’s when zombie apocalypse type crap “accidentally happens”…. 🙂

mindlessgamer619 4/17/2016 - 5:12 pm

I can definitely relate man.. I fell in love with a girl in high school.. I wanted to be with her so badly, but it didn’t ever happen.. I went to senior prom with her, we kissed, I thought things were only gonna get better, but nothing happened afterwards. I left for college and came back last year, after a year and a half straight in the states…

She did change a little. Changed her religion, was in need of help.. I cared about her and loved her a lot so I helped her out until she left last year summer.. The thing is, she only liked me as a friend, and I was so blinded that I didn’t realize she had so obviously didn’t like me…

We still talk, and we’re still friends.. I guess a part of me will always love her more….

You’ll need time to move on… It does happen to the best of us.. They find someone else or they don’t want a relationship, and you just have to move forward, with or without them.

I just know you’ll find someone who’s absolutely crazy about you in the future. I believe in you bro.

rocketman 4/17/2016 - 5:21 pm

mindlessgamer619,

i love that reply! that happened to me several times!!!! but in all honesty i did it too!!! didn’t mean too it just turned out that way.

Magic gold dust 4/17/2016 - 7:23 pm

I’m glad you’re not a whiny friendzoned fuckboy. It’s a rare thing these days, congrats. I couldn’t even make it to the friendzone. I’m so crazy about this girl. It’s been 5 years, I’m still crazy about her. Fuck’s sake, I’m writing goddamn poetry for her and I hate poetry. Haven’t seen her in ages. Funny thing is she lives 5 mins from her. Never saw her around, maybe it’s a sign. I think I totally creeped her out. My social skills are not even zero, they are like -8793432. Obviously the slightly crazy tortured artist is not her type. It will always hurt like a *****, that’s for sure, cuz she was the first girl I really fell for. I don’t usually fall for people, I mean I fucking hate them.

And yeah, you did the best thing. Cut her off and move on. Don’t be like me. Don’t write love poetry at 4am, it’s pathetic. Also I really feel for you, I’m so sorry, especially the sex part… I would fucking die on the spot… This is so horrible. She has no mercy. Well, we don’t choose who we love.

I wish I could tell you you will get over it after some time, but it doesn’t always work like that. You can at least learn to live with it. Just don’t try replacing her with something like alcohol or weird drugs. Save yourself the waste of time and money.

P.S. Don’t ever kill yourself over a girl/relationship. The saying about the fish and the sea… yeah, it’s 100% true.
another P.S. sorry for swearing/being kinda mean, I’m pissed off for some reason…

Magic gold dust 4/17/2016 - 7:26 pm

Oh, and you are definitely not alone. Even if it’s hard to believe, you are never truly alone even if you feel like you are.

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