I find life funny…

I’m not afraid of suicide, I’m ok with death. I’m just afraid of surviving my suicide. Facing the people close to me after my suicide. You don’t realize how much people can influence your decision in life. Either small or big. I envy those who actually commit suicide, I learned this yesterday when I got news a someone else overdosed. Their mental will and desire for what they want, but then again I envy those with the power to move on, to find reasons to smile and to live. I am neither. Stuck in between. Never know what to do, it always lingers in the back of my head, I should try and fight another day, full of those who I care about? I do. And it’s hard. It’s hard being stuck between 2 choices so similar yet so different. Both are peaceful things but the outcomes are different