I give the fuck up….

Everything I do I fail it…. I have nothing to live for and the worst thing is I have no excuse for it. I don’t have weight problems, I have no mental health issues, I have no issues with drugs/alcohol, I had a good upbringing, my parents bought me a fucking house for christ sake… yet here I am. Unemployed, lonely, depressed and with nothing to live for.

I have two bachelors degrees, one is pretty useless, the other is a STEM subject. I cant get hired in my chosen industry, im not sure why, probably because ive never worked before… I figure ill get a call center job in the meantime (only other thing I can do) and work on my portfolio to get me a real job. I cant even fucking do that!!! I just get rejected over and over again, 6 fucking years of highschool, TWO bachelors degrees and I cant even get hired at a fucking call center, how pathetic is that!?!

Im alone as well. All my relationships seem to end after 5-6 months, the reasons vary but the end result is the same. Ive only had two in my life that lasted a year or more and guess what? I ended both of them. I fucked them up myself. Online dating is just a cycle of rejection for me, it takes forever to meet someone and when I eventually do the worst case is they don’t want to see me after the first date, best case is we end things after 5-6 months. Im still fucking alone at the end of the day.

I cant do this anymore. I cant cope with the rejection anymore in my personal life and in my (non existent) work life and the utter utter fucking failure that I am in general. Back when I was 8 or 9 I would imagine what it would be like being “all grown up”. I imagined I would have a house, a car (I cant even drive), a wife, two kids, a dog and a job and I would be stood out front watering the lawn on a sunny day. That’s how I envisioned things. Ive royally fucked this.