I really want to kill myself instead

Of waiting. I tried hanging myself countless times to no avail last year. I may try again next week. We move and ill have my own room again. I’ll have the space to do it. My mom is talking about moving and the things we have to do. Im to old to care how it will affect her or any family. Before my breakdown last year we had barely talked for 5 years. I dont care a anymore. There wasnt a me before this pain. This is who i am. I am depressed and suicidal. I am also tired and old. Ive had countless attempts, deadlines, traumas, rejections. The world is a worse place that i fit into less than when i was younger. I’m going to at least try hanging though it is a god awful way to go. It didn’t work last year probably wont this year but damn it’s worth a try.