It feels so nice to say these words and actually mean them.
I just came out of the psych ward today. It wasn’t bad in there. I met a few souls whom I spoke to and connected with on a very different level.
I know I’d been saying all along that the one thing I feared most was being admitted there and being seen by my classmates. But when I was there, I actually didn’t give a fuck. I was there to fix myself.
I’ve made a decision. This is a very serious and important decision for me and I hope I stick to it. No more attempts for me. I’ve played around with pills, knives and a rope long enough. I’m putting them all down.
My family takes priority. I know I should say ‘I’ take priority, but I feel I’m not deserving of life. I have this life to better their lives. When I will actually say I want to live for me? I don’t know. Do I want that day to come? Idk.
I feel free. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I need to thank someone for this.
Mr Angry… Thank you. I don’t know how you’re doing with all the shit you’re carrying for me. But thank you.
I can breathe again. My head is clear. Suicide thoughts are still there, but not as intense. They are right at the back of my mind. Pain is still there, but I can see something beautiful beyond it.
I feel alive again. I don’t feel like a Zombie anymore.
I’m not sure where to from here. I guess right now I should take things slowly. Go easy on myself. The most important thing for me right now is studying for an exam I have in 2 weeks time. I’ve already missed about 2 weeks of school. I have a lot of catching up to do. But I believe in myself. I truly believe that I can make it. I’ll put in as much effort without over-exerting myself.
I CAN STILL DO THIS!!!