whiskered-fish, INTERESTING But untrue, that’s up to you, i’ve already have mine all planned out painlessly and certain, nothing wrong with that, the question is am i ready? apparently not, i still want to give this living thing a chance. what can i do before i’m gone? as long as you have some kind of goal in mind it’s worth perusing.
Wow! I am sad and sorry to hear that you feel like you deserve a painful, slow, humiliating death. I have seen lots of your posts here at SP forum and don’t think that at all of you. You seem to be a good person and in no way of deserving that kind of exit. It makes me wonder what it is about yourself that you don’t like that makes you feel this way? of course you dont have to answer that if you dont want to….but I think you are being overly hard on yourself for some reason.
For me > the times I have considered Suicide > I always tried to come up with a way that I could do it the LEAST painful way.. and the quickest way. and the Least humiliating way. But I guess that is just me. I couldn’t imagine wanting it to be slow and painful etc. Pain sucks in my opinion. In fact my thinking is that suicide is a way I thought to End my pain… not to bring more of it unto myself. But that is just me.
I hope you don’t go out and harm yourself or end yourself. I believe you are a strong enough person and able deal with the issues in your life and make things better for yourself to such a degree that you will come to a place where your life is improving and where you are glad to be alive and want to live and things are going well.
I hope you try to go in that direction.
that being said. I wish you well. Try and hang in there
I’m sorry that I never answered you, Phantom. I was on the edge of sleep last night, and your comment was very long. Haha.
Unfortunately, I still don’t have very much to say. To me, self-loathing is so second nature that I genuinely have trouble understanding why other people don’t hate me as much as I do. And because I’ve been in this headspace for so long, and have so, so, SO many reasons to feel the way I do, it’s all the more difficult explaining why I hate myself to others. How do you explain an entire worldview to someone? How do you relate to them an entire lifetime’s worth of experiences?
As for what you said about suicide being about ending pain: I can somewhat agree. But only somewhat. You see, to me, suicide is a way to end my EMOTIONAL pain. Not my physical pain. In fact, for me, physical pain is very much _required_ for me to relieve my emotional pain.
When I’m frustrated or enraged, I need someone (myself) to take the anger out on. When I am heavy with guilt, I need to abuse myself to feel absolved. When I’m sad, well, the pain helps that too. And so on. Pain helps me feel sane. Like my feet are on the ground. I honestly can’t fathom dying without it. I need it.
That all being said, I will try to hang in there, like you want me to. I will say that if I had the choice between dying and going on to solve my problems and live a good life, I’d chose the latter for sure. I only want to die because my chances of doing so look very bleak at the moment.
i don’t think you deserve to die. The nature of death you describe is horrible. While I don’t wish you death, I even more don’t wish you death in the manner you described. I hope whatever circumstance is present to make you feel this way stops.
Thank you, distant road, for your concern. But don’t wear yourself out, your efforts are better spent on somebody else, who has a chance.
I know the death I described is horrible. That’s why I want it. Because I’m horrible.
And I don’t really think that it’s any sort of circumstances that have me thinking this way. If you knew me as well as I did, then you’d agree that I’m disgusting.
I think you have a chance. It’s doubtful that you’re as disgusting as you think. While I don’t know much about you, I know enough to say that you deserve as much happiness as anybody else.
If you want to talk about what’s happening off the site, you can always email me. Or if you just need to get something out of your system. Or anything else.
Thanks, distant road. I’ll try to accept the invitation, although I constantly feel like I’m taking advantage of people when they help me. Sorry if I end up doing that.
Why do you think you deserve a slow, painful, humiliating death? That’s absurd. No one deserves a slow painful death, except maybe guys like Hitler and Stalin who killed millions of innocent people.
On the other hand from reading your posts you seem like a good person.
I can understand hating yourself and wanting to cause yourself physical pain, and also wanting to die. I feel both quite a bit. But please don’t think that you DESERVE a slow, painful humiliating death.
I could talk at length, for hours and hours on end, about all of the reasons why I deserve the kind of death that I described. In fact, I’ve already listed some of them, in my previous posts.
But thank you for your trying to help me, dividebyzero.
I cant comment on this without being afraid ill make things worse.. Without thinking you might try to hurt yourself more or anything.. So, what do you like Kat? Something you love that doesn’t give you pain?
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whiskered-fish, INTERESTING But untrue, that’s up to you, i’ve already have mine all planned out painlessly and certain, nothing wrong with that, the question is am i ready? apparently not, i still want to give this living thing a chance. what can i do before i’m gone? as long as you have some kind of goal in mind it’s worth perusing.
What’s untrue? I’m confused.
Wow! I am sad and sorry to hear that you feel like you deserve a painful, slow, humiliating death. I have seen lots of your posts here at SP forum and don’t think that at all of you. You seem to be a good person and in no way of deserving that kind of exit. It makes me wonder what it is about yourself that you don’t like that makes you feel this way? of course you dont have to answer that if you dont want to….but I think you are being overly hard on yourself for some reason.
For me > the times I have considered Suicide > I always tried to come up with a way that I could do it the LEAST painful way.. and the quickest way. and the Least humiliating way. But I guess that is just me. I couldn’t imagine wanting it to be slow and painful etc. Pain sucks in my opinion. In fact my thinking is that suicide is a way I thought to End my pain… not to bring more of it unto myself. But that is just me.
I hope you don’t go out and harm yourself or end yourself. I believe you are a strong enough person and able deal with the issues in your life and make things better for yourself to such a degree that you will come to a place where your life is improving and where you are glad to be alive and want to live and things are going well.
I hope you try to go in that direction.
that being said. I wish you well. Try and hang in there
I’m sorry that I never answered you, Phantom. I was on the edge of sleep last night, and your comment was very long. Haha.
Unfortunately, I still don’t have very much to say. To me, self-loathing is so second nature that I genuinely have trouble understanding why other people don’t hate me as much as I do. And because I’ve been in this headspace for so long, and have so, so, SO many reasons to feel the way I do, it’s all the more difficult explaining why I hate myself to others. How do you explain an entire worldview to someone? How do you relate to them an entire lifetime’s worth of experiences?
As for what you said about suicide being about ending pain: I can somewhat agree. But only somewhat. You see, to me, suicide is a way to end my EMOTIONAL pain. Not my physical pain. In fact, for me, physical pain is very much _required_ for me to relieve my emotional pain.
When I’m frustrated or enraged, I need someone (myself) to take the anger out on. When I am heavy with guilt, I need to abuse myself to feel absolved. When I’m sad, well, the pain helps that too. And so on. Pain helps me feel sane. Like my feet are on the ground. I honestly can’t fathom dying without it. I need it.
That all being said, I will try to hang in there, like you want me to. I will say that if I had the choice between dying and going on to solve my problems and live a good life, I’d chose the latter for sure. I only want to die because my chances of doing so look very bleak at the moment.
i don’t think you deserve to die. The nature of death you describe is horrible. While I don’t wish you death, I even more don’t wish you death in the manner you described. I hope whatever circumstance is present to make you feel this way stops.
Thank you, distant road, for your concern. But don’t wear yourself out, your efforts are better spent on somebody else, who has a chance.
I know the death I described is horrible. That’s why I want it. Because I’m horrible.
And I don’t really think that it’s any sort of circumstances that have me thinking this way. If you knew me as well as I did, then you’d agree that I’m disgusting.
I think you have a chance. It’s doubtful that you’re as disgusting as you think. While I don’t know much about you, I know enough to say that you deserve as much happiness as anybody else.
If you want to talk about what’s happening off the site, you can always email me. Or if you just need to get something out of your system. Or anything else.
Thanks, distant road. I’ll try to accept the invitation, although I constantly feel like I’m taking advantage of people when they help me. Sorry if I end up doing that.
Why do you think you deserve a slow, painful, humiliating death? That’s absurd. No one deserves a slow painful death, except maybe guys like Hitler and Stalin who killed millions of innocent people.
On the other hand from reading your posts you seem like a good person.
I can understand hating yourself and wanting to cause yourself physical pain, and also wanting to die. I feel both quite a bit. But please don’t think that you DESERVE a slow, painful humiliating death.
I could talk at length, for hours and hours on end, about all of the reasons why I deserve the kind of death that I described. In fact, I’ve already listed some of them, in my previous posts.
But thank you for your trying to help me, dividebyzero.
I cant comment on this without being afraid ill make things worse.. Without thinking you might try to hurt yourself more or anything.. So, what do you like Kat? Something you love that doesn’t give you pain?
You can’t make me hurt myself darkwillow, so don’t worry. And I can’t hurt myself tonight anyway. But thanks.
Sadly, there are very few things that I love that don’t give me pain. My pain is beautiful. It’s my closest and most loyal friend.
I will say though, that I still like to write. Draw. Sculpt. You know. Artsy stuff like that.
Really? Art nerd buddies 😀