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It’s not what I want

by justanothergirl09

(Today) I realized that I’m an ungrateful child.

It’s because since my mom died, I started wanting more than what I already have. It’s because I envy other kids that have both parents and siblings; it’s wanting a nicer house, nicer things. I just don’t want to be me as I hate myself. I just don’t want what I have, and I thought I was grateful for what has been given to me, but it’s not like that.

 I don’t want to live with my aunt and uncle; I want real parents too. I want brothers and sisters. I want a nicer phone; I want to be accepted. I want to have a normal family and that was taken away from me.

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PhantomCitizen43 4/7/2016 - 12:14 am

Im really sorry to hear that your mom died on you. It can be really rough to lose a parent.

Your not a bad person because you want more from life. I think we all want more from life.
That doesn’t make you horrible or ungrateful or anything. I want more from life then what I currently have too.

I want a house. (don’t have one now) I want a car (don’t have one now) I want to find the love of my life and get married someday (don’t have a wife now) >> man I could go on and on.
I want to go to France someday. I want to hit the lottery and win 10 million or more dollars… so on and so forth. I don’t think its bad to want more from life. I think its Natural.

But even though we sometimes want more from life.. we should still be thankful for what we have at the moment. I think that is the Key. I am grateful for what I have now. But I also want more from life at some point. I don’t think that is bad I think that is Aiming UP in life.
Aiming or more can be a good thing. You can have your cake and eat it too.

tired123 4/7/2016 - 12:24 am

That must be so hard for you. There is nothing that can fill what is missing when a loved one dies. It takes a long time to start feeling ok again. Just know eventually it will start to happen. The feeling of loss never goes away but it gets better. I know from personal experience. For me it took about a year to begin to heal.
Dont feel down on yourself for going through these emotions. EVERYONE deals with loss in their own way and it is not wrong. Your emotions will go up and down for a while that is normal.
Try and accept the love from those around you. (this can be hard as well) Nobody can completely understand what you are feeling but letting them be there can help some. Be patient with yourself. You may just be trying to fill the hole you feel with things. And that is ok to for now. like I said be patient with yourself and those around you too. They may not know what to do or say to help but at least they are there. <3
Hope this helped a little

Alan Ominous 4/7/2016 - 9:23 am

Hey, there’s lots of people who had siblings, parents, etc, just as fucked up. Look around, most of us want nicer things. Everyone wants to be accepted.
I can’t advise you on coping with your loss. That shit sucks, even though I’m fucking 30, I still can’t wrap my head around my dad being gone.
All I can say, you’re not all that abnormal.

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