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I’ve been through the storm, but where is my rainbow?

by Bri

The past few weeks have been Hell, to say the least.

Since my ex boyfriend broke up with me he has been keeping me around, telling me he loves me even though he’s with this other girl. I refused to tell him I loved him, I still love him. Fuck I still love him. He tells her everything he ever told me… I find it kinda funny within a few days he was already with her too. Probably cheated on me. She’s so much prettier than I am too, probably gave him more than I could have. Yet he insists on saying he still loves me. Only me, he says. So tonight I told him how I feel about it. How can you say you love me when you’re with her? I’m so tired of being the girl on the side. This stupid little kid that fell way too hard and was left to hit the ground. I’m just so tired. His reply was “What, because a boy is out of reach? Get your shit together Brittany.” I wish it was just that, it’d be such a relief if that were my only problem. I’m literally fighting a war all by myself every fucking day.  I have finals coming up too, that’s not helping. I have a fear of being abandoned. He’s exactly like the rest of them… Josh, Carl, Gary… They only “loved” me because I was the only choice at that time. Then they found someone else, or maybe the person they wanted all of a sudden became free. What did they do? They dropped me. They lead me along and when I fell not one of them were there to catch me…

Neither was James.

Now he’s just another name on the list of people to get my hopes up and disappoint me…

And I’m stuck looking for a distraction of any kind… until the storm passes and I find my rainbow.

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6 comments

secret me 4/19/2016 - 1:59 am

hi wallflower, sorry you have to go threw a break up. Break ups are hard and it definitely puts yourself in question. honestly it sounds like hes just playing with your emotions. the best way to go about this is patience and being strong minded. maybe it was just not ment to be with those guys. everything does happen for a reason. im confident youll find your own path. and if someone treats you like shit, just remember that there is something wrong with them, not you. Normal people dont go around destroying other human beings. Hope you feel better soon and dont be a women who needs a man, be a woman a man needs.

wallflower 4/19/2016 - 2:42 am

Thank you so much.

noneedforaname 4/19/2016 - 2:30 am

Hi wallflower, I read what you wrote and I’ve been down that road myself, actually I’m on that same road now, but you’re still in school, you have your whole life ahead of you, you sound like such a sweetheart and like most young ladies you’re probably being a little hard on yourself, I’m sure you’re just as beautiful on the outside as you seem to be on the inside, try to concentrate on school, and don’t worry about those mutts, get your shit together for you and nobody else, and when the time comes, you’ll find who you’re looking for, you’re young, enjoy your youth, why rush something that’ll eventually come,

wallflower 4/19/2016 - 2:45 am

I’m starting to think the same thing. I’m just terrible at being lonely, especially when I’m around friends and their significant others.
I wish you the best on what is going on for you.

Gary555 4/19/2016 - 8:02 am

I don’t get it. You say your boyfriend broke up with you but he’s been keeping you around. Unless you live with him it’s up to you if you want to be around him. Telling you that he only loves you after he broke up with you and now is with another girl is BS. I would say to him “You broke up with me, you’re with another girl and you tell me I’m the only one you love? What kind of bullshit is that? You’re the one who needs to get YOUR shit together?” If I was going out with a girl and she did that to me that’s what I would say and then I would sever all ties with her.

wallflower 4/27/2016 - 1:18 pm

I did just that after I posted this. I was tired of his BS. I haven’t heard from him since.

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