I should be feeling something better than this. Just a few weeks away from getting that god forsaken undergraduate degree-in psychology no less. Registered for classes in the fall getting, a Masters in social work, I think. I don’t know what I want though. It is so anti-climactic. I feel pretty numb most the time because I am stuffing those feelings until after finals. My therapist mentioned self-sabotage last week, he kind of took it back this week though. Bought a house. Living alone, trying not to isolate, helps that my sister lives across the street. Honest though, I feel restless. Like I am waiting to do battle, reigning in the troops. Something big is in the forecast, I don’t know what but I know it will destroy the me I am today. Haven’t smoked a friggin cigarette in 5 days… Quitting for a project in my applied behavioral analysis class. For now I will keep sleeping because I have to wait for it. Wait.
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I don’t imagine that there’s much that I could say to a psych major that would be helpful. You probably know a lot more about this stuff than I do, or ever will.
But I just have one question. You said that this “something big” that’s coming will destroy the you that you are today. I’m wondering, is that a good thing or a bad thing? Because sometimes the person we are today needs to die to make room for the better,
stronger person we are to be tomorrow.
What’s coming to my mind right now is something I learned about wildfires. I learned that forest growth actually increases and becomes more diverse shortly after a wildfire. The reason for this is twofold: 1) the flames burn away all of the old and dead overgrowth, leaving room for young, healthy plants to sprout, and 2) the soot and ash from the extinguished blaze actually makes a decent fertilizer for this new growth.
Maybe that’s what’s in your forecast? A wildfire, and a revival. I try not to give simplistic or annoyingly positive advice on here, but hopefully you find this at least a little helpful. Best wishes.
Thank you for commenting. The “something big” could be bad but good and it will kill me or make me a stronger person. Every stage in life calls for change and change is hard. Every little thing that has ever occurred has been a ripple in a pond, and I have learned something from every little thing.