Nightmares.

I’m sorry to say that I’m here again, not that you people are bad people, but I only come here when things are getting overwhelming. I’ve been cutting again, a precursor to other self destructive behaviour; and this time it’s the nightmares. I’ve been trying to stop drinking, and it’s only causing me to wake up in the middle of the night screaming, or swinging. More so than usual, but usual had been passing out so drunk that I’m paralysed. I’m getting so tired of the new and inventive horrors my mind keeps in store to greet me in sleepy land. I just wish that I wouldn’t wake up. Period. Full stop. I’m tired of telling women that sleeping beside me carries a risk of being punched out if I wake up during a dream (yes I’ve done it before). I’ve been given clonazepam to stop it, but I’ve been saving them…. And taking 3 at a time so that I pass out and don’t dream…. Or at least don’t remember them…. I tell people I care about to have ‘sweet dreams’ because I never do…. So it’s late here….. And sweet dreams to all of you… And soon my pills will kick in, wish me luck for no dreams tonight.