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On the edge

by whydoiwantto

I’m on the edge right now. One of the few close friends I have, someone I considered my best friend, said that she didn’t want to be friends with me anymore ever since I tried to kill myself back in December, because dealing with the depression is too much. Apparently I’m just too sad all the time and it’s bringing her down…

I’m so fucking tired of my depression ruining relationships. If this medical condition was diabetes or something like that, this never would happen. But these suicide thoughts are out of my control. At the end of the day, after she told me the truth of how she’s felt the past four months, all I could think about was killing myself. So I guess she’s right. At least one less casualty of friends I’ll hurt, right?

I am so hurt, I am at work right now trying not to cry, about to throw myself into another bender of coke and codeine and alcohol as soon as it hits Friday and I’m hoping that I don’t make it out of this one.

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Dawg 4/11/2016 - 12:53 pm

Let me preface my comments with the fact that I’m not in the medical field and I have no practical experience with depression. Sorry about your friend. I’m pretty sure long term, consistent/reoccurring chronic depression IS, in fact, a medical condition. I “get” that it’s not one that is easy to talk about with others but please consider talking to a Doctor of some kind to see if something can be done to minimize your symptoms.

Hopefully, others here with more experience with depression will chime in, but I just wanted you to know someone heard you 🙂

All the best
dawg

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