That is my fate. As a social misfit I live a hermit-like existence and that fcuks you up. They gave me Zoloft on Friday and guess what – within 2 hours of going to bed I was wide awake [and in a terror induced cold sweat at the thought of a long long empty day] When you are a deeply depressed deeply anxious hermit the last thing you need is more hours to kill. I already have serious trouble doing that. I expect to develop psychosis like so many other poor, socially isolated individuals. Suicidal depression is one thing, and I can kinda live with it, but loss of sanity is something else.
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Can you ask your doctor for something to help you sleep? I had a similar problem and got something prescribed. With my current living situation, I’m not taking it but he was willing to prescribe it.
The days are often difficult for me as well, friend. Around 9:00 PM or so I find myself saying, is it time to go to bed yet? Only to find you get up the next day and the depression is still there! In my case, I try to medicate it with alcohol. That makes it even worse! So try not to drink.
When I got divorced in 2003, I was toast! I lost 35 pounds and literally did not eat a thing for a month. I was wasting away. After awhile, I could not find myself comfortable without eating all that time. My skin started to feel like it was crawling. I was no longer able to sleep, which was really difficult because I was exhausted all the time but could not sleep! I found that I could not survive on Heineken and wine alone – who knew! So I started eating again and soon went to my doctor and explained the situation. He put me on an anti-depressant and voila! I felt great in about two weeks.
Hope you will consider talking to your doctor. It may not be the permanent solution you’re looking for but hopefully it will get you over the hump, so to speak. God bless and take care, my friend, and reach out to me anytime.
Rob
Believe me it will happen. It’s a built in mechanism for people who can’t get with the program. If you can make it on your own and be self-sufficient that’s different. But that’s probably not true. And being an outcast of society only leads to madness and destruction.