I have an English class at 8AM 3 days out of the school week. For the last 10 or so minutes I’ve been sitting outside the door trying to decide if I should go in or not. I actually like writing, and I was especially looking forward to working on the last essay, which is essentially a reflection piece with yourself as the main source. The professor’s a really great guy, too. He’s really understanding and wants all of his students to do the best that we can. But I’ve only completed one out of the four essays that we’re supposed to be doing, and I think they’re doing peer reviews of the last essay I failed to complete. My schedule is so ridiculous that the homework I have assigned for one night is virtually impossible to do in one night. I generally have 4 papers to do at any given time, and generally at least one is due within less than a week. I feel terrible showing up to class and learning all the ways I’ve fucked up, all the reasons why this nice professor should hate me, how I’m going to flunk the class (and probably other classes behind it), and how I’m a complete piece of shit. I wanted to send him an email or meet with him about it, but what could I possibly say? “Sorry I’ve been blowing you off all semester, but can you pass me anyway?” I don’t know what to do. I’m neck deep and the water’s getting higher fast. I was thinking about applying for Students With Disabilities some months ago, but in order to do that my parents have to get involved, and if I never talk to them again about anything related to the whole depression an suicidal thing it’ll be WAY too soon. So, I guess I’m just going to sit here in the hallway for 20 more minutes, go to my math class and look for a clear spot on my arm to cut and wait around for a few hours until I leave.
Because my parents are picking me up for the weekend.