Suicidal Stories #1

I’m going to start writing stories about suicide on here. And this is going to be my first one. (by the way, the reason why I used veil so much was because I had originally wrote this for one of my homework assignments, and oh well if some parts don’t make sense)

Every day she would walk the halls veiled. She would wear a big smile, but the smile was never real. She wouldn’t bother anybody; she would sit quietly. She would have her nose in a notebook she would draw or write in. If she wasn’t using her notebook, she would always get lost in thought. What could she be writing, or drawing, or even thinking? She veils all of that; she wouldn’t tell anybody what she is really thinking about, she would keep it to herself. She lies just to sound like she is ok, and there is nothing wrong. And her music, she would always have her headphones with her, one thing she always uses. She loves her music; she can’t stand a day without listening to at least one song. What could she be listening to? The days she wouldn’t have her fake smile, is the days she would show no emotion towards anything. You wouldn’t be able to tell how she really feels. With the smile, at least you would think that she was “happy,” but with no emotion you wouldn’t know a thing about what happened to her. She would give you little hints about what she is feeling, but she would never directly say what’s wrong. Would anyone ever notice that behind her veil of a smile, she is really hurt, and has a lot to say?

The way she is at school is not the same as how she is when she is alone. When she is alone she is relieved to know that she doesn’t have to pretend. She can unveil herself, and take off her smile. Behind her smile were tons of tears that were hard for her to control. And her notebook, her drawings were dark and scary. What she wrote were things she had wanted to say but never had and doesn’t have the courage to ever say. She kept everything in her notebook, her notebook was mysterious. She wouldn’t mention a name in what she wrote. She would always have something written for someone specific, but would never mention who it was for. What about her thoughts? That place was a disaster. She would have thoughts of old memories, that would repeat in her mind, over and over again. She would have thoughts on her old and new friendships. (that never seemed to last) She would have thoughts on ending everything she wanted to be and do. One of the most things she always would have thoughts about is ending her life. She would plan on how she would want to end it, and if it works what would happen to the people that loved her, and if her plan fails what would happen to her after waking up from a coma. She is depressed for so many reasons, and by ending it, she would for once be truly happy again. Her music is the one thing that she had to go to, that was always there for her at tough times. She would have the volume all the way up, having the music blasting through her ears. If you pay attention to the lyrics they are some of the things that she has to say, but doesn’t mention. Her music she listens to is just like her drawings, full of meaning, but dark and scary. When she is hurt she would grab her headphones. She has scars; scars that she hides with a jacket, and for every mark she made she would have a story of someone or something that had messed with her mind. But now she is just doing it because she has gotten used to it, and her physical pain hurts much less than her mental pain. Who knew there could be so many things hidden behind a veil of a smile?

And who is this girl? That girl is me.