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Thank you

by king nothing

Just a post to say thank you to the awesome dudes/girls who replied to my first post and helped me out.  I am truly grateful that you cared enough to reply and offer me support and sympathy.  And especially for not preaching the feel good bullshit that is on 99% of help sites online.

I kind of feel as if I’ve hit a point in life, as if I am waking up to who I really am.  It is terrifying but I have to be me.  No matter how I am on the outside, my soul and brain are still me.  It’s time for me to ditch the fake me, who has brought me nothing but shame, unhappiness and self-loathing.

My life has been mostly shit for ages but truly “to hell an back” over the past 18 months.  Yet, some things have happened (or tormented me with the hope) that have been like the highest high –  a promise of true happiness and freedom.  Destroyed cruelly by life but somehow, it has awoken the true me.  It is as if I went through trial by fire and the fire burned away the fakeness.

Two tips for people going through hell. 1) Breathe. 2) Love your pets.

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saudade07 4/21/2016 - 11:56 am

though there is some debate as to who the original author is, there is a quote that says, “if you’re going through hell, keep going”.

king nothing 4/21/2016 - 1:15 pm

Oh gosh, yes, I love that one. I think it was Winston Churchill, unless he picked it up from somewhere else. I read that he suffered with depression too.

I hope that I am finally leaving my hell, even if I crawl out slowly and scarred for life. Someday, I want to look back on all this and think, “Bloody hell! How the f*ck did I survive?”

kamidaka 4/21/2016 - 10:58 pm

Oh, the exact opposite is happening to me. My true self is disappearing, the only time I can be myself is when I’m alone, and that’s almost never so :c
I’m happy for you! Don’t be afraid to show the world who you truly are, it will be good for your soul. You’ll feel more comfortable.

king nothing 4/23/2016 - 1:07 pm

Thank you so much! It is important to be who you are and not who others want you to be. After all, you’re the one who has to live in your mind and body, not them.

I am sorry that you’re having a rough time at the moment. It feels so fake and horrible when you feel like you’re losing yourself. Sometimes it’s good to be alone for a bit, to clear out your head and think things through. I really hope that things will improve for you!

Hazy Day Sunflower 4/23/2016 - 1:21 pm

@king: your post is inspiring. I didn’t get a chance to comment on your original post. I agree that being me, regardless of plight, madness or circumstance, is the best road to take. I wake up each morning and think, “is this good enough? This way I am living? These thoughts and this circumstance”. Today the answer is yes. So today that is good enough. At least for me.

I wish you gentle thoughts today. That and the ability to walk forward without looking back.

king nothing 4/23/2016 - 1:39 pm

Thank you! I do tend to dwell on the past (all the bad stuff) and so it would be nice to look to a future that is at least obtainable, even if it takes a while to get there.

I am glad I was able to write an inspiring post. I see so much “help” online for depressed people but a lot of it (at least for me) is just rubbish. I wanna try and help 0people on here and I sure know I have been helped. It’s been so refreshing to get real advice and not the usual fake, one-size-fits-all stuff I find elsewhere.

I’m glad that you’re having a good day today too! Somebody wise in my family would sometimes say “Take one day at a time” and sometimes, I reckon that is all any of us can do.

Hazy Day Sunflower 4/23/2016 - 1:53 pm

Or one hour at a time, which is what I am doing today.

I’d like to hand you my little twig bush that I use to erase my tracks. It helps me to not look back if I can’t tell where I have been. Some would cry that I am destine to repeat my own deplorable mistakes using the little stick daily as I do but I would beg to differ. Learn and move forward is different than ignoring my past. My past is all it is and all I am, dwelling on the wrongs done to me or the methods used to destroy people in my life is pointless Moving forward, with color and gentleness is the order of the day as of late.

I abhor “one size fits all” anything in this life. Death, much like living, has it’s own uses in this world and can be beautiful and satisfying. Today though? Today I live.

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