The Big House Party

I may be the only one here, but I’ve always viewed life as a huge house party that everyone’s invited to. Well, compelled to go to.

Some people are the life and soul, making friends with almost everyone they meet; others hang close to the people they know; there are even people there who everyone talks about despite having rarely bumped into; people who’ve gained control of the food, music and dress code despite being a guest like the rest of us. And others of course who are happy to sit back and watch everyone else.

There’s the heartache you feel when someone you were dancing with wants to dance with someone else while you’re left to dance alone; when a conversation with a friend turns so sour that you no longer speak; when a loved one is forced to leave the party before you get to say a proper goodbye.

People who’ve been there a while either become VIPs, gaining respect from many of the people they invited, or gradually vanish until no one even notices they’ve left.

For the most part, the revellers have a good, while often eventful, time.

However, there are some who aren’t there long before they realise they want to go. The music is too loud, they’ve had a terrible time and they don’t fit in. Their friends and family are begging them to stay because it would ruin most of the night if they left, they’re sure the person’s time will get better. They clammer desperately at the persons arms and legs but are left wailing at the window as they aren’t strong enough to stop them leaving; or they convince the person to stay, grateful that they did. There are some fortunate enough to slip away unnoticed, but burdened with the hurt that no one will notice they’re gone, or with the knowledge that it will soon be their loved ones wailing at the window.

I personally find myself often waiting by the door ready to go, but my little sister is having such a good time and I’d hate to ruin it. So that I don’t distract her I dance a little when she looks my way, but find I can’t stop freezing in my tracks and looking at the door. I consider making friends or finding someone to dance with, but I’m scared one day I’ll actually leave and will have simply deserted more people by the window. I’m scared I’ll end up inviting a guest of my own to the party and they’ll hate it as much as I do and in turn hate me for bringing them there.

Earlier on I was able to pass the time by sneaking up to bedrooms with people for some temporary relief, I still often find myself raiding the kitchen for enough alcohol to forget where I am. But time stays very still when you’re not having fun. That’s pretty much all I’m doing now, killing time.

I have found a way to occupy myself is to make it a good night for others who are struggling. Especially those too new or vulnerable to improve their time by themselves.

But maybe this is the room I’ll come to when I can’t take my eyes off that door. We can kill time together?

Sorry that was so long and sorry in advance for typos! as I said, it’s a big party.