I just have to tell someone this to get it out of my system. Lately I’ve been trying to work on myself. My life has been chaotic recently and lately I’ve been trying to take care of the chaos and I’m finally feeling a little bit better. When I used to have stress in my life I would turn to my ex to just distract myself from my life. Without him as a crutch I was feeling like I was going to lose my dam mind and like I couldn’t get a handle on anything. Me not being able to deal with stress without him made me miss him more. I realized that it wasn’t actually him I was missing, but it was me being able to distract myself with him. I kinda feel bad because that’s like using him. I do love and care about him, and i’m extremely attracted to him. But I turned to him for the wrong reasons. That was wrong. But I realize that now and it’s making me feel a little bit better. I woke up this morning with some clarity.