So I’ve been taking a shower like, once every 3days. Same with brushing my teeth. Been sleeping either a lot or not at all. I didn’t even realize the shower and brushing my teeth thing until my mom pointed it out. I guess im just not noticing time passing. Never thought I’d get this bad though
Ive been crying almost everyday, begging god to make everything go back to normal. Every once in a while my ex texts me, then i get my hopes up and i think “thank you god, he’s giving me another chance”. Then he just suddenly stops replying, and i realize that god doesnt give a shit about an ant. Thats all we are. In fact, compared to the universe, our planet is a grain of sand in the ocean. So what are we. Germs maybe. We mean nothing. Nothing that has happened and nothing that will happen will ever really matter.
I would just do it now, but I have the date set for next month. It’s an important date, so if I’m dying anyway, why not leave a message that’ll be burned into his memory. Can’t decide if I should do it in the house or under this abandoned bridge nearby. If I do it in my house, my parents will find me and that’ll be pretty upsetting. They’d be stuck living here knowing that I died in the other room. If I choose the bridge, there are houses like, 100 ft away. If no one found me, the people that lived there would smell a rotting corpse and that would suck. Third option would be great if I really wanna scar him. It’s an important place. But it’s out in the open and surrounded by houses and stores. Probably end up at home. I don’t want to die alone in a ditch