Whats wrong with me?

I feel like shit. I went out on a date with a man 13 years older than me and all he wanted to do was touch me and kiss me. I didnt let him, as a matter of fact I walked away from him and went home. He treated me like an object. Anyway, I come home and my sister tells me “please dont get upset but our sister in law was flirting with your ex fiance”. I didnt say much i just brushed it off. but my ex fiance was my first love, and i have always loved him till this day and its been 5 years since we broke up. I had never again found a connection or loved anyone as much as i loved him. Im an unlucky person- things just keep pilling up with disappointments in my life. I feel like a total loser. Every single day i get bad news about my health, my friends, and family and my education. if there is a god doesnt he see that thats enough of what ever punishment im getting for what ever reason. Im actually afraid of myself because i know that im going to kill myself. and i hope i do it before i become a complete failure. Im just really upset and i dont know what to do any more. No one hears me. No one see’s me. Im not happy and im always in pain emotionally. im ugly and stupid. I just wanted to be happy and i just wanted to have someone care for me but maybe im just not meant to be here at all. Im crying out for help and no one ever answers back….