Where’s hope when I need it?

Sometimes it feels like all hope is lost, like there is no reason for me to continue thinking or trying or breathing and the self hatred gets even more overwhelming and I just want to scream and cry and tear myself apart (literally) I have goals I just have no motivation to achieve them anymore because I don’t see the point, I don’t see why I shouldn’t just end it now and end my pain, I have no one, and everyone just discourages and belittles me and I’m tired of pain