I had to write an essay for one of my teachers and I don’t know what I was thinking when I wrote about my suicide thoughts and my scars. And so now my whole family knows and they are giving me all of the attention, and now I have to go to a therapist. I hate all of the attention, and I hate that now I have a therapist. I hate talking about how I’m feeling to someone face to face. That’s why I talk here, I can talk to all of you and you won’t know who I am what I look like, and that we might never actually meet for you to help me. But when I have a therapist it’s exactly what I don’t like. I would think of suicide almost 4-5 times a week, but now that I have a therapist I think about it even more. This website has helped me more than my therapist. I have made a lot of progress with this website to write. I used to cut my wrist 3 times a week, now I cut myself once every two or three weeks. Now I feel like when I cutting myself all over again. But I can’t because my family knows. They are crying for me, they are watching everything I do now, I’m not allowed to be in a room alone only my bedroom and the bathroom. It’s so unfair, I thought that saying what’s on my mind would make things better, but the only thing I did was make myself more suicidal. I should have just kept my mouth shut. (By the way the essay that I wrote is on here and it’s called Suicidal Stories #1)
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@brxken._.lxcks
First of all, you call it a mistake right now, but congratulations because that ‘mistake’ was an extremely brave thing to do and, unbeknownst to you, a step in the right direction.
Look, we know it’s difficult. You know how you feel inside and one of the biggest challenges we have is transmitting those feelings to others in a way that makes them begin to understand your situation. It hardly ever works that way. But Understanding is often a 2-way road, dear friend.
Try to understand that they are doing what they feel is right, what in their mind and heart is what you deserve: their caring and attention.
DO talk to them, I know this is out of your comfort zone, but make sure they know how you feel. Remember, things ALWAYS get worse before they get any better. Let them know, and you must realize too, that you all don’t need to understand, you just need to support each other.
Yes, perhaps they more you than you them, but that doesn’t exempt you from giving them a fair chance to getting involved in your road to recovery.
Hey, things didn’t get to where they are now overnight, did they? It’s only natural that recovering, healing, will take some time too.
Tell your therapist exactly what you told us here: that now more than before you feel on the edge constantly.
Can I ask you something? Putting aside your struggles, numbing your mind to your pain for a moment, can you tell me: do YOU want to be helped? Don’t lie, you’d only be trying to fool that person you see on the mirror…
I hope your answer is a positive one, in which case, don’t ever forget that 2+2 is always 4, so if always keep doing what you’ve been doing, you’ll always get the same result.
Try this new approach for a while, don’t sweat it, just go with the flow for a few weeks without even thinking about it.
You’ve done nothing wrong other than being human, a person who needs some help because, let’s face it, we ALL DO need that help at one point in our lives.
And if you want to talk guarded by this screen, look at my user name…
…you read it? Ok, well know that I stand by it. You can reach me at suesyd (dot) nomore (at) g mail (dot) com
Take care will ya? 😉
No I don’t want help, and I am being honest. I can’t stop thinking about it, it makes me mad. But see what you did here is what I want to talk to someone that doesn’t know me and is willing to help, and for that thanks.
@brxken._.lxcks
Well, want it or not, my offer still stands. I’m here, as well as so many other truly caring SP members you can reach out to. All you have to do is say the words.
And you are most welcome, but let ME thank you for replying and letting me feel of some use.
When my family found out about me, they also got super paranoid. Luckily for me I don’t have parents so it was just my siblings. And luckily they got over to t pretty fast. Most of them are like me too so that might be why. My foster parents (who isn’t even really my foster parents) was sooo annoying! I hate her now. Anyway i decided to get help went to the hospital for a few days got on some medication and started therapy…. And guess what? Nothing! It’s such a joke, didn’t do shit for me. So I stopped it all. And my life still sucks but at least I’m not forced to take pills or see a therapist or doctors. I’m gonna move away soon and I can’t wait. I might try getting a pet. They are therapeutic annnd cute!
Same here I also went to hospital and got put on meds and it really didn’t do anything at all it was just a waste of time honestly. At least I met some cool people while at the hospital though. Hope your life gets better though good luck.
A situation sort of similar happened to me in which my family saw my cuts and I got sent to a psych ward in a hospital where I was there the whole day being watched by staff and had to talk to psychiatrists and I feel the same way it didn’t make it any better it only made it worse and I have sucidal thoughts as well so it made it all worse and now I have gotten nowhere. I’m sorry you got into the situation you are in now but if I had to give you any advice I would say to just tell them how you feel broadly if you want to but give them something so they leave you alone eventually. The sessions might last a couple of months and might get annoying though but I hope the best of luck to you.
@All
Here’s one mistake we all tend to make often: we expect a magic pill.
Wouldn’t that be great, if such pill did exist and we had our own little “red pill / blue pill” moment?
But for things to work, we have to not just want to make them work, but put motion into thoughts, action to our needs.
You’ve already taken a few steps and are taking meds, talking to people (fam, docs, and such), why stop short of going further and open yourself up to the possibility of being better? You will trip, fall, puke, cry, laugh, and hate through it, but eventually, it REALLY does get better.
I know from experience.
FUNNY STORY: My Wife’s Friend’s Liposuction.
Her weight at the time of the procedure back in June 2014: 182 lbs. (82k)
Mind you, she’s only 5″.4 (1.64 mts.) tall.
1 month later she was at 155 lbs. (70k) and had gone from a size 17 waist down to a size 8
Today, she’s at almost 180 lbs. again and crying about wasting $4500 on her surgeries. She never stopped eating excessively, not one day did she follow the diet her doctor and nutritionist put together for her, and now she’s started going to therapy for depression (which she never suffered before), the gym, nutritionist, etc.
You see, in order to gain some, we have to give some. There is no magic potion or overnight method to fix our problems. At least not one that is durable, let alone permanent.
We creatures of evolution. Change is constant in our nature, but we have to know how to make use of those changes. And if we don’t know how, let’s find somebody who can guide us.
Wish you all nothing but the best 🙂
It doesn’t always get better. Be honest.
However, the OP is obviously young and that provides some advantages that can increase the likelihood of getting better. It is up to the OP to decide what defines better, but whatever that is, and whatever approach will work best, I hope they do have a happier future.
Have you thought about what you would like to try? Do you ever think “I wish this or that?”. Perhaps you can express that and take more control over the situation.