According to my mother, I “ruin everything” and I knit pick, which must be why my boyfriend left me.
The first comment, she made yesterday when I didn’t want to wrap my grandma’s birthday presents. I didn’t see the point in wrapping them since my grandma was sitting 2 feet from me at the time and she’d already briefly looked at them. Not to mention, I felt like shit, which is a given because i always feel like shit. So that made me “a ruiner”.
Then today, me and my mom were walking down the street and I told her that we had to cross to the left hand side of the road. After we got to the left side, she kept insisting that we had actually gone right. We both started laughing, and I kept telling her that we were on the left side of the road. Then she said, “You knit-pick so much. This must be why your boyfriend left you” and she kept laughing. I would’ve just brushed it off as it being an insensitive joke, but she’s said the exact same thing before. And who says shit like that, I mean, unless you’re trying to be a *****.
She keeps asking why I don’t hang out with my friends, even though I’ve straight up told her that I don’t have friends anymore. I’m starting to get suspicious, is she actually forgetting these things I tell her, or is she trying to rub my face in the fact that my life is shit.
May 15th is only 13 days away, and I still don’t know where I’m gonna…clock out. My plan was to do it near this small bridge near my house, since the area used to be pretty clear of people, but they’re almost done building the new mall down the street. I feel like if I try to go near the bridge, someone will probably notice now. Thank you construction workers. That means I’m gonna have to do it in my house or think of another place. Maybe the house would be ok. I was gonna make it look like just an od, not a suicide.
5 comments
Expressing what you feel and what you think is not nit picking. Neither is saying that you are on the left when you are on the left, especially if done jokingly 🙂
I checked your older entries and I just want to add that,
we tend to love those who don’t love us back. To live for those who are not worth of our time. To depend on unreliable people. To die for those who don’t deserve our sacrifice.
Instead, we hold grudges against those who want to help us. Because those who want to help us can hurt us the most.
Sometimes there are things that happen that we can’t understand no matter how wild, or crazy they seem. Your mother may not mean any harm by what she is saying at all, but then again she could mean to harm you with her words, and it’s not your fault. I don’t know how old you are, or what you have experienced in life, but days are going to be hard. Months are going to be hard, even years, but I can promise you that it gets better. I’m not going to tell you what to do with your life, but give it time. Time is what you need, one day when you look back on how you used to feel, you just might smile and whisper that you are happy that you fought through this. I used to be extremely depressed, but I have met people and seen things that helped me realize that sorrow, pain and depression (just like everything else) only last for small amounts of time. You will find that one thing that will make everything bad that ever happened to you matter a lot less than what it does in this moment. You may have to go out and find it, but by the time you do, you will have grown so much as a person.
Keep fighting, I swear, it’s worth it. I may not know you, but I want to see you succeed and live on. 🙂
I think you should talk back if she says something like that. It’s best to deal with people straight up. I appreciate you wanting to get it off your chest on SP, but I have gone years confessing the sins of various other people to therapists, online, to anyone who wanted to listen, and tbh I think it’s ineffective. It might not help to argue with someone face-on, but at least you will have expressed your viewpoint and challenged theirs, and maybe you won’t feel as much of a need to vent about it afterwards.
Another thing I’ve noticed is that if someone treats me bad, I sometimes take it out on someone completely different, in effect, I pass on the negative energy. Maybe it would be better to deal with the person concerned.
I know this whole comment may sound awfully lecturing and irritating, it’s just – I wanted to share what I think I have been doing wrong for many years.
I agree with mus; speak up and hold your ground.
Deal with people straight up and don’t take any crap.
I spent a lot of years being timid and letting other people walk all over me.
These days I’ve been getting better at sticking up for myself, though I think it will be an ongoing project.
Yeah. Im usually pretty fast with comebacks, I did say something the last time she said that. But I mean, it seems likes she gonna keep repeating it, don’t see the point in saying anything to her.