I’m 46. I was a child of 2 sexual abusers for years. Ok! I had to finally accept that in my adulthood. I dealt with domestic violence abuse from someone that was suppose to love my children and I. I protected my children the best I knew how. After dealing with it for 8 years, I finally found a way out for my children and I. I attended college for 2 years and eventually married. I raised my 3 and his 2, but tragically in 2007, I lost a child to post bmt. I busted my ass everyday to try to save her with hardly any support from family members or friends. I was heading for a divorce and jugging the kids stuff at home. I lost her 1 year after diagnosis. Now 9 years later, I miss her like the first day she left me. I suffer from chronic pain daily. I want my physical and mental pain suffering to stop. I’ve talked to my loved ones and of course they say to speak to someone, and don’t leave. I’ve been going to counseling for years and take medication daily. It don’t help. I’m exhausted.
I’ve finally found a possible solution. I have always been an advocate for organ donation. It’s on my drivers license and medical papers. When I commit suicide, I want my good organs to help someone in need. I don’t want to hear about your religion beliefs please. God gave them to me and I do as I please. I know if I take my medicine (od) the organs will not be good. Heck! I just realized they might not use them cause of my medication use. I know my blood work is all good. My <3 is good. Anyways, I need to get my orders straight. Does anyone have advise? What are the rules on suicide donation of organs in the United States?
Like I said I have years of wasted counseling!!!! No need to try to talk me out of this.
I don’t feel selfish. I’m no good to anyone anymore. I’m in pain all of the time. I can’t do chores and I’m so unhappy. I try so hard to be with the kids, grandkids, my husband, and my family. The pass trauma hunts me. I start crying for no reason in front of everyone. My children bring up the past. I’m done. Like I said I am exhausted. I want peace. I want someone else to live and maybe they can find better happiness then I have.