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Be careful what you wish for…

by king nothing

Please, can somebody help, even if it is just to talk?  I’m at my wit’s end.

I’m no kid, I’m well old enough to remember the 80s.  So, couple of years ago, I was getting on for that age when life begins (you know when I mean?) and thinking about being lonely.  I’ve never dated anybody…hell, I’ve never done anything even most 13 year olds have done.   Total level 1 noob at my age, ha.

Sure, I’d had offers but I was a robot who couldn’t feel romantic love.  I felt nothing for those who had offered, so I turned ’em down (in a nice way, I aint a douche).

I could love my family, my few friends and animals but that was it.  I was convinced that falling in love was fiction, made up by Hollywood.  Stuff like that didn’t happen in real life.

So I made a wish/prayer/begging that if such a thing was real, please could it happen to me.  I didn’t care how hard it would be, even if it pushed me to the brink.  I just wanted to fall for somebody.

…and it was like my life was a movie.  Everything leading up to me meeting them happened on dates that are very significant to me.  There were too many to be coincidence.  It was fated.  I met them and, bloody hell!  Everything about them was perfect.  The way I felt when we talked…there are no words powerful enough in any language known to humans that can describe the level of sheer awesome!  It was like, every rollercoaster ride, rock concert, kittens, ice cream and being able to fly, flying over London and screaming, “Yes!  I am alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!”#

I unconsciously set the bar so high and one person jumped it!  The only person who has ever bested me in my greatest skill…and did it will such flair, charisma and giftedness that I was doomed from the start.  I fell and fell hard for them.

…and then…it’s unrequited.

I’ve been tortured by knowing this for over a year.  It hurts, like a stone crushing my chest.  Worse still because I feel it was meant to happen.  Uhuh, I was meant to fall in love but…there was never any guarantee it would be returned.

The moral of the story is in the title…

 

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Cordless 5/3/2016 - 5:07 pm

I am also old enough to remember the 80’s. 😉

And I have also not had much of a romantic life either, except for a few dates here and there and a few extremely-brief relationships that went nowhere.

The number-one reason they would all give for breaking up with me was: “I’ve decided I just don’t love you.”

So, yes.
God it hurts.
Unrequited love is such an agonizing thing.
I have no solutions and no fancy healing words, just a solemn nod in agreement. That kind of pain is worse than a broken bone, since broken bones heal faster.

king nothing 5/3/2016 - 5:17 pm

A kindred spirit! I miss the 80s, everything was so much better back then. It really was one of the best times to grow up.

I wish you didn’t know the pain too though…that’s just more hurt. But I am glad that you shared with me and understand. If the pain from it never heals, I hope there is something better and no pain in the afterlife.

gkks 5/3/2016 - 5:19 pm

I remember the 80’s as well. And i feel your pain. Haven’t had a meaningful relationship in years. I met the love of my life/soul mate or whatever you want to call it many years ago but she broke my heart (cliche) and it scared me for life. Ever since i just can’t be with anyone. I subconsciously push away every girl that shows interest in me. I think i will be alone for the rest of my life.

king nothing 5/3/2016 - 5:29 pm

I am sorry that you are hurting too. It really isn’t fair. Unrequited love is life’s way of taking a dump on nice people. I think sometimes I wanna kill myself just to say “f*ck you life! Can’t hurt me now, can ya?” But that would hurt my family, friends and my cat. Ya know, when the one I love told me they had a partner, my first crazy thought was… “Why didn’t my parents have me neutered? I had my cat neutered and he will never suffer this agony”.

I think I can understand about pushing girls away too. Is it like, “If I can’t have them, I will have nobody”. Cos how can anybody ever be as perfect as the true love”.

gkks 5/3/2016 - 5:48 pm

If you ask me now i will answer you that i don’t believe in true love. Maybe that sounds pessimistic but i believe in two persons just getting along and in time get used to each other. The worst part is that she dumped me for another guy. Thought about ending my life but i manage to survive. Scars remain though. Who knows? Maybe one day some girl will change my mind…

Morris 5/3/2016 - 5:24 pm

Love is something that happens in romantic comedies and p0rno films. In real life there’s divorce, separation, losing assets, alimony and child support payments, growing apart and getting bored or annoyed once you get to know your now ex.

Forget about the ‘Hollywood happy ending’ and visit an Asian massage parlor instead.

king nothing 5/3/2016 - 5:37 pm

Ah, the irony…I dunno whether to laugh or cry now. As in, guess what race they are…

(Please internet, don’t ID me. I gotta stay anonymous! )

Morris 5/3/2016 - 5:45 pm

I remember the 80’s too.

And I ran, I ran so far away.
Like a child, I ran both night and day.
– I couldn’t get away.

Is that how it goes?
Sometimes I have selective memory when it comes to A Flock of Seagulls song lyrics.

king nothing 5/3/2016 - 5:55 pm

I just looked up the lyrics in full and…

They mention aurora. Which I did see on the night when my fate was sealed.

Man, life is crazy and maybe I’m crazy too. But the 80s were so sweet!

Morris 5/3/2016 - 6:02 pm

That’s cool.
I think I’m going to identify as a male lesbian now.
Str8 white male is too boring in 2016.
Yep, it’s official.
I’m good with home furnishings, I’m neat and tidy, and I like Subaru’s. I’m a male lesbian.

Hazy Day Sunflower 5/3/2016 - 9:14 pm

Metresbian.

king nothing 5/3/2016 - 6:25 pm

Sounds like a plan!

Papermoon 5/3/2016 - 6:37 pm

Hang in there King Nothing. Love sucks, but you know what doesn’t? Ice cream. And friends. And late night moviethons. And visiting foreign countries. And midnight fridge raids. And good books. And costco pizza. And cat naps. And fresh sushi. And massages. And homemade cookies. And paychecks. And stuffed animals. And so many other things. Who needs love? Besides, waiting for love takes away from enjoying the moment. You live for yourself, not for anyone else. Take the time to enjoy life and all of the little things. It might just help 🙂

king nothing 5/3/2016 - 6:46 pm

Thank you 🙂 I…have never actually tried sushi before. And now I feel that I must. Especially as I have a felling most people I know *have* tried it.

(Though I suspect my cat would beg it all of me, lol)!

But yeah, seeing my cat asleep is cheery, especially when he covers his face with his little paw. Though that’s more of a deep sleep than a cat nap.

Sui the Bunny 5/3/2016 - 6:54 pm

Sushi is love, Sushi is life :3

Cold_Sleep 5/3/2016 - 8:09 pm

sushi is pain, sushi is death .
why don’t you pick on something your feeling size? like painless strawberry, with deathless dark chocolate? that is love, that is life. without the killing part.

oh look at me the party pooper 🙁 , ok I go back to my corner and hug a tree now.

nepheliad 5/3/2016 - 9:27 pm

Technically a strawberry is alive until you pick it, and so is the original source of chocolate (from a cacao plant).
Studies have shown that if you say nice things to indoor plants, they will grow more vibrantly than they would if you express negative sentiments.
Do plants have feelings? I don’t know, but it seems that they can detect negative or positive energy.
No one complains about killing a plant, though, and they shouldn’t. That’s what you call a ‘sustainable habitat,’ being able to grow and take what you need from the natural environment.

Cold_Sleep 5/4/2016 - 5:25 am

you see that full grown strawberry? it might be on the ground or still on the plant, but it’s next step is decay. but you pick it, when it stop growing and it’s on the path of decay already.
1. eating a strawberry, or taking cocoa beans, you do not kill the plant! (nothing has been killed, or caused pain, that plant will make new ones, it continuous to live)
2. furthermore you can take the seed, and soil, and water and give life to a new plant.

you see that fish in the water? it has 5 years of life left. but you decide to take its life today anyway.

nepheliad 5/3/2016 - 7:05 pm

Some people stay together. I’ve known folks who have been a couple for decades. Their secret seems to be that they both have the ability to apologize without constantly blaming the other party. They claim to still ‘love’ each other, too.

I think I personally prefer being alone (less complicated and less stress), but maybe, king nothing, if you think you can be loyal to somebody you’ll meet another you like, who won’t string you along and will return your affection. I’m sure there must be quality people out there.

king nothing 5/3/2016 - 7:22 pm

I got some family members who’ve been together for many years and it is nice, yeah. I think they do communicate well and compromise, instead of wanting everything their way (like some people do).

I like to think I am loyal cos I made a vow (about 10 years ago) that I’d never let a real friend down. The one I love doesn’t know how I feel about them (I didn’t get chance to tell them before I found out they were in a relationship) and they are my friend. I want them to be happy but it sucks so much for me cos they’re so perfect and excellent.

I don’t know if I could ever feel that way about another person but then, up until a couple of years ago, I didn’t think I could even fall in love so I guess…who knows what will happen.

king nothing 5/3/2016 - 7:07 pm

(I bet the cat agrees too, lol!)

king nothing 5/3/2016 - 7:25 pm

Lol, that was for Sui the Bunny’s comment, it went in the wrong place.

Sui the Bunny 5/3/2016 - 7:39 pm

I ate sushi for breakfast :3

rocketman 5/3/2016 - 7:30 pm

king nothing, LOVE! What a wonderful thing! The word itself is so romantic! i myself am in love with lust 🙂 when the lust disappears so do i, when lust turns into love it is a feeling like being constipated you need to go! 🙂 Of course i’m joking around a bit.

Love has many degrees, and it has a scale in my book, like from 1 – 10.

Example: I love her I just don’t love her that much.

OK I’m having fun and being serious at the same time. Love is a deep subject. I could write a book on it.

i’m also very familiar with the 80’s I was actually alone then and in love with my music, the happiest time of my life.

I’m am also a male lesbian. ” all i do is think about girls” 🙂

I also have 4 cats I Love them. they get to stick around. 🙂

king nothing 5/3/2016 - 8:25 pm

I don’t think I will ever understand falling in love. Or cats. But at least I don’t have to worry about…cats falling in love!

80s music was awesome! Couldn’t even name a single pop song from the last 15 years. But the 80s stuff, that was quality music!

tryingtohope 5/3/2016 - 8:51 pm

King

I am in this club too; remembering the 80s and never really dating a lot or experiencing love. It is nice to know that there are some kindred spirits here.

I was crazy mad in love with a guy when I was in college that was more years ago than I care to count. And it hurt like hell to find out that he didn’t feel the same way.

I don’t have any words of wisdom on the subject. At this stage in my life I have decided that I have so many idiosyncrasies it is probably better that I never got married. My pansies and impatiens tolerate me just fine.

I used to think someone was “waiting for a girl like me”. Now I just think I need to “Get over it”. Okay that’s not an 80s song but it’s from an 80s( oops 70s) band. Some of these guys from the 80s can still rock.

king nothing 5/4/2016 - 7:53 am

Ugh, I am sorry it didn’t work out for you! It’s just crazy that there are apparently billions of people in the world, yet it’s near impossible to find true love. Man, if only we could choose who we fell for and it didn’t just “happen”.

Hey, I hope your pansies are growing well! it’s good weather over here the flowers (and cats) seem to like it a lot!

I agree, I like to see a lot of the older bands in concert and it’s pretty sweet how theyc an still pull a big crowd, even all these years later!

rocketman 5/3/2016 - 9:14 pm

tryingtohope,

i been married twice and fucked twice, hum? not so good! oh well! i hold no grudges, so what? you’d i have done it differently? ah yeah! but life is what it is, all that screwing around and getting screwed made me who i am, i tried. and i’m not alone, it happens all the time. if i could be happy being alone i would. i’ll always give it another try, just for the hell of it. i’m not bitter just disappointed. that’s life.

tryingtohope 5/4/2016 - 12:06 am

Rocketman: I think a lot of us struggle with being satisfied with being alone. I really crave being with people who understand me yet I hate being with people who won’t listen to me and don’t really care how I am doing. That is why I am glad I found this website. It’s good to be “gotten”.

Hazy Day Sunflower 5/3/2016 - 9:17 pm

I’m old enough to remember the 80’s quite well. You all can have it. Rough time for me. I choose to move forward.

Love. Pah.

Find someone that has enough shared interests so you at least have a few things to do during the week together, enough differences to keep things interesting, be compatible between the sheets and bingo…mate for life.

Romantic love is just heartache and shit storm. Give me those things I previously mentioned and I’m not going anywhere ever.

Hazy Day Sunflower 5/3/2016 - 9:18 pm

which is why I guess I’m still married despite asking for a divorce.

nepheliad 5/3/2016 - 9:35 pm

“Find someone that has enough shared interests so you at least have a few things to do during the week together, enough differences to keep things interesting, be compatible between the sheets and bingo… mate for life.”

Yes. That’s how I think too. That sounds perfect. I like when my potential pa.rtner introduces me to new hobbies and interests, or inspires me to bring out a side of me (in a good way) which was already there, I just hadn’t explored it yet.

You also have to be fond of each other and value the relationship enough not to cheat.
If no one has the capacity to stay monogamous… I guess I’ll have to stay single, because I refuse to deal with that kind of drama.

Hazy Day Sunflower 5/3/2016 - 9:40 pm

I used to care of he cheated. Now I’m not so sure. My standards have changed a hell of a lot in 15 years. I think my bench mark slipped to “keep a fucking job for more than six months” about three years ago. I’m fairly certain he couldn’t find someone to cheat with IRL. Still one never knows right? LOL.

Me, meh. I’m the type to tell the truth in situations. If I tell the truth I never have to remember the lies I told. So I guess cheating is out for me as an option. Plus, that would be plain too confusing. Plus I tend to marry the guys I sleep with. sigh.

It’s like I was raised in the fucking Victorian era. If I swore less then other people might agree with me.

rocketman 5/3/2016 - 9:42 pm

nepheliad, That’s why i got divorced I refuse to deal with any kind of drama.

nepheliad 5/3/2016 - 9:51 pm

“If I tell the truth I never have to remember the lies I told.” Haha, exactly. I also vow to tell the truth with everyone, and whatever fallback comes from that, I’ll just have to deal with it. I’d much rather hear the truth than a pretty lie.
“Does my butt look fat in these jeans?” “Yeah, kinda.” “THANK YOU for being honest. I’ll put on another pair or wear a longer shirt. (Note to self: stop snacking so much and work out more.)”

rocketman 5/3/2016 - 9:57 pm

nepheliad, I don’t cheat I get divorced. Couldn’t live with a relationship like that.

nepheliad 5/3/2016 - 10:04 pm

Good for you rocketman, that’s integrity.
If I did happen to leave someone for another person (obviously I’d try to end the relationship first), I’d be honest about that too. My former love interest would deserve to know after putting up with me for as long as they did. Ha.

rocketman 5/3/2016 - 9:31 pm

nepheliad, Cold_Sleep, would you please stop it! You are predators!!! eat the fucking sushi and strawberries 🙂

nepheliad 5/3/2016 - 9:39 pm

I do Rocketman, no worries 😛 Technically every creature on the planet is a ‘predator,’ but it keeps us contained. We don’t need to import supplies from other planets. (Not yet, anyway.)

Sui the Bunny 5/3/2016 - 9:49 pm

Sounds like a cool flavour of sushi mmm strawberry sushi *mouth waters*

rocketman 5/3/2016 - 9:44 pm

nepheliad 🙂 i hope other planets have Crunch and Munch!!

king nothing 5/4/2016 - 8:12 am

Gee, I swear everybody has more experience than me xD I’ve never even kissed somebody in a romantic way. (Yes, I swear I’m old! I’m not a teen, pretending to be, lol).

I guess I really am a noob. You can laugh if you want but I could never pair up with somebody if I didn’t love ’em. I guess you have to get to know people before you know how you feel about them. I did know the one I love for, ehm…maybe a few weeks before I woke up one morning and realized that the feelings like kittens and unicorns high on heroin meant I’ll fallen for them.

And it was so rare cos most people I meet, I feel nothing for. Wouldn’t be an arse to them but…they just exist. Like objects. Maybe I am really some kind of robot.

tryingtohope 5/4/2016 - 1:17 pm

King. I wish we could do private messages here. Trust me, I am with you on the lack of experience. The BF in college was a big nothing. It’s weird being this age and knowing my nieces have more experience than I do. Fortunately , they have never asked me for advice on the subject. I’m glad you shared this because there are a lot of young people here and it’s nice to know there are few my age.

king nothing 5/4/2016 - 7:19 pm

Not so weird, heh, it’s the same here. Most of my teen relatives dating and if that just doesn’t make me feel even older and more hopeless.

I’m glad I was able to help you by sharing my experience (or lack of it!) I was surprised to find that there were more people my age who were in the same boat…but it’s good to feel less alone!

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