Please, can somebody help, even if it is just to talk? I’m at my wit’s end.
I’m no kid, I’m well old enough to remember the 80s. So, couple of years ago, I was getting on for that age when life begins (you know when I mean?) and thinking about being lonely. I’ve never dated anybody…hell, I’ve never done anything even most 13 year olds have done. Total level 1 noob at my age, ha.
Sure, I’d had offers but I was a robot who couldn’t feel romantic love. I felt nothing for those who had offered, so I turned ’em down (in a nice way, I aint a douche).
I could love my family, my few friends and animals but that was it. I was convinced that falling in love was fiction, made up by Hollywood. Stuff like that didn’t happen in real life.
So I made a wish/prayer/begging that if such a thing was real, please could it happen to me. I didn’t care how hard it would be, even if it pushed me to the brink. I just wanted to fall for somebody.
…and it was like my life was a movie. Everything leading up to me meeting them happened on dates that are very significant to me. There were too many to be coincidence. It was fated. I met them and, bloody hell! Everything about them was perfect. The way I felt when we talked…there are no words powerful enough in any language known to humans that can describe the level of sheer awesome! It was like, every rollercoaster ride, rock concert, kittens, ice cream and being able to fly, flying over London and screaming, “Yes! I am alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!”#
I unconsciously set the bar so high and one person jumped it! The only person who has ever bested me in my greatest skill…and did it will such flair, charisma and giftedness that I was doomed from the start. I fell and fell hard for them.
…and then…it’s unrequited.
I’ve been tortured by knowing this for over a year. It hurts, like a stone crushing my chest. Worse still because I feel it was meant to happen. Uhuh, I was meant to fall in love but…there was never any guarantee it would be returned.
The moral of the story is in the title…