Lately, I’ve noticed that my ability to rationalize has been strained, especially when it comes to decisions related to expanding my relationships with others.
On the one hand, there is the side of me that’s been institutionalized by cultural norms–the person that wants to get a girlfriend, wants to have lots of friends, and just wants people to like me in general.
But running counter to the institutionalized side of me, is the altruistic me, who believes that having any of those things would be selfish of me and that those relationships would be detrimental to those other entities.
And then there’s the third side that says, none of it really matters since I will eventually commit suicide.
It is impossible to reconcile all of them at once or even just two of them or even just one evidently. I feel like I’m literally going crazy. Decisions I make at one part of the day, I inevitably end up regretting and vice versa. I find myself always over-analyzing my moves, but since each moment of over-analyzing is done by a certain facet, complete with it’s own individual logic, I have to analyze my over-analyzing and still, those modes of thought are always regretted. It’s pure chaos and I can’t stand it.
2 comments
Be kind to yourself and give it an another go.
Relationships are a balance of give and take
I’ll be the first to say society can f its self.
@NM –
I haven’t read [yet] all your posts here, but I wonder if you are getting the help you need. And I’m not talking about just the help from Professionals, but from anyone close to you? It helps, IT DOES HELP to relieve yourself of some of the weight that means to carry a burden like the one on your shoulders, and that’s what happens when you open yourself to others.
DO keep in mind though that they don’t need to understand, or agree with you, so don’t expect that. They just need to listen, support, or just be there for you.
Often time we project a version of the ‘persona’ we really are depending on the circumstances, but admitting that we have problems, struggle with our own issues, and accepting and seeking the help from others TRULY makes us more REAL, in the eyes of others, and our own.
That alone is a big relief. And stay away from those who will frown. There ALWAYS are some of them around us. They’re useless in the healing process, which renders them disposable. Ok?
Check my alias. I stand by it.
suesyd . nomore at g mail dot co m