Dont bother reading this, its a waste of time.

Weekends are the worst, I use to come home and cry, now i just lay in the bed and the strangest part is my mind is blank, no thoughts, my eyes open and i just lay here while the world goes about itself, im becoming numb, lonelieness in all honesty the worst feeling in the entire only, its similar too that of losing someone or something you love, its a feeling of utter hoplessness, im scared to death i may never be happy again, i’ll never meet someone who loves me, i’ll never have a normal social life,
I went to the mall today like always in hopes of meeting someone to hang out with, eventually i always end up leaving i can only be surround by people for a little bit before i realize im going home alone again and at that point my mood changes from optimistic to hopeless, i dont have a social cricle of guys and girls where i can meet people, im a good looking, in my late 20s, im in good shape, i make sure to dress nice, im always shaved and smell nice, yet here i am, i have a job, yet i spend majority of my time alone, i work nights and even at work im alone but thats just because thats kind of work it is, work alone, free time alone, only interaction i have is when my mom wants something, i have no one to share interests with, no one to vent too, no to send me text to say hi, the pleasurable parts of my brain rarely get stimulated, its been like this a full year now, only reason i look forward too tommorow is that it may all change, maybe id meet that person who can save me from myself, but the day always ends the same, nothing changes, i never find that person or group of people, ive lost interest in entertaining myself, i use to read, watch movies, play video, but what for!! Im going through life fucken alone!
Before being alone for this entire year i was with someone for 3 years, that did work out no ones fault it just wasnt meant to be, before I had her I was alone for 3 years which i did not mind, i had real hope then, i was still young that things would get better, before those 3 years i was with someone who i thought was my BBF, I had her for 7 years, someone who over the course of 1 year become someone else and by the end the person I had met 7 years earlier was gone, i dont know who dumped me but it wasnt the girl i met.
The last 365 days ive thought a lot about the past 10 years, im coming to the conclusion that i’ll probobly never be happy, what bothers me the most is that i know what that feels like, i crave it so much every single day, the next time someone says i love you to me i’ll probobly start crying. Im scared as hell i might not be able to rid myself of the state of mind im currently in, it’ll definitly be the end of me if i cant.
Im so damaged by my family and all this isolation that id probobly fuck up any chance at happieness id get.
Im suffering from sever depression, sucidal thoughts, anxiety all the time, chances of meeting someone who would understand and accept in todays society are next to nill, people are so shallow and materialistic.