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Heh, it’s not that scary, is it?

by ViLDuce

So, let’s start this off right, shall we? I suffer from psychosis. Meaning, I suffer from hallucinations on top of my major depressive disorder. These voices are evil creatures. James – The ring leader – wants me dead. Hailey wants others dead. Jimmy – The nice one – left years ago, I’m assuming hallucinations can off themselves too. I’m so sick of hearing from them. And yes, I’m on medication. And again, yes, I have been taking it. I’m so sick of this world. Nothing good comes of it. But god help me if I don’t want to live in this filth encrusted world we call home. The one true love of my life left, she brought light to my world but no more. I might give in some day soon. This is not a cry for help, but an outlet for my stress. No one listens to me. They all want me to be locked up in mental bins. F— that. I’m not going back.

 

 

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10 comments

Soco 5/19/2016 - 5:10 pm

Hey vilduce, welcome if its ur first time here. Ive had psychosis a few times from too much crystal meth and its fucking scary i couldnt imagine living with it. My heart goes out to u. I hope u find some peace. And yes, psych wards fucking suck ass.

ViLDuce 5/19/2016 - 6:49 pm

I’m ready to go at this point. I don’t know how much more I can take.

mysteriousvisitor 5/19/2016 - 5:54 pm

I’m totally with you on being here to relieve stress and not seeking help (although I’ve asked for advice a couple of times and received some helpful answers).

mysteriousvisitor 5/19/2016 - 5:56 pm

I accidentally hit post comment before I was finished:

Some people believe that all you have to do is take some medicine and that makes everything better, but that often isn’t true. People here tend to be more understanding than that. So welcome!

nuclearbackpack 5/19/2016 - 6:49 pm

I’m heading into psychosis – years of stress and depression and social isolation. In fact they’ve put me on an antipsychotic just for reporting increasing suicidal thoughts.,

ViLDuce 5/19/2016 - 6:51 pm

I’m on a few anti-psychotics. They worked in the middle of but now they’re wearing off. I’m sick of having to take medications to TRY and feel normal.

whiskered-fish 5/19/2016 - 7:57 pm

Man, do I know the nightmare that is psychosis. Fucking terrifying, always. And like you, my good “vision” or “voice” or whatever— I just called him Henry—left about three years ago. Since then, it’s just been me and the bad ones.

And also like you, no medicine has ever helped me. I apparently have a rare condition that makes me deathly allergic to antipsychotics. Or at least Geodon. And anyway, I honestly don’t think there’s a medicine out there that can help people like us. Not to be a downer. And not to make everything about me, sorry. I’m talking about myself too much. This is your post. I just wanted you to know that you aren’t alone. Not a lot of people understand what it’s like to live with psychotic features. Even other depressed people. But I do. So, I’m rooting for you.

If it won’t hurt anything, tell James to go fuck himself for me. I know it won’t make him go away, but still. He needs to go fuck himself. And Hailey too, why not.

Oh, and I almost forgot: welcome to the forum. I hope this place proves to be a good outlet for you. I hope it relieves some of the pressure, if nothing else.

LittleBead 5/19/2016 - 8:39 pm

Maybe you should try hormones. In the 1990s there was a Polish doctor in the US who treated patients with hormones. He had been treating my grandma in Poland before he emigrated to the US. Maybe he’s still there. He had really good results – my grandma has schizophrenia, and her illnesses stopped for 8 years when he was treating her. The same was with other patients. Tomorrow I will ask my mum again what his name was. He should be around 65 now. Ah, I just want to say that it was an experimental therapy soprobably you haven’t heard of it. Medical corporations want to feed us all with meds…

mysteriousvisitor 5/19/2016 - 8:43 pm

I’ve read about this option. I don’t have psychosis, but I stumbled across it while reading about treatments for perimenopause.

LittleBead 5/19/2016 - 8:49 pm

It’s a very good choice. I believe that every thought is created from hormones. Love, sadness, psychosis… I’m not talking about thyroid disorders or so, just regular things which are associated with mental health. =)

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