(Before I start; I’m 15 years old; 16 in July, also a girl).
So before today my depression had been good. I almost thought it had maybe completely gone. That was until tonight, I was talking to my parents and I don’t want to repeat what they said but it just makes me hate them. They make me hate myself and feel anxious which is why I try not to hang around them but I live with them so I can’t completely ignore them. After I managed to get away from them my dad said something as I was leaving that made me want to kill myself. Anyways, I went down to my room, I planned to cut myself but I just ended up having a panic attack instead.
So now I hate myself, want to kill myself, I want to get away from my family and just run away. I plan to run away when I’m 18/when I possibly can, to another country as well because I hate NZ. I wish I had someone to go with but I don’t have anyone. That doesn’t matter but meanwhile I’m trying to not kill myself.
5 comments
Running away isn’t the best idea unless you’re guaranteed to go somewhere better. Families vary but I’ve found despite how much we fought and hated each other and like you-when I was your age-I also vowed to ‘run away’ get ‘freedom’ and start my own life.
Nowadays it is very difficult to live on your own as wages are terrible, cost of living is very high and jobs at the low end are shit and unreliable. Then living with someone else you become their dependent and are powerless.
So think very carefully before you leave-you could end up worse off than you are now. Like I said I hated my parents and I don’t mean the regular teenage kind, I mean I wanted to be away from them. However by putting up with their BS, I was able to get my education and have a place to stay while I was in-between jobs. Plus you have the benefit of their knowledge and experience.
I’d advise to try to work things out with them and get along. It’s the same thing as work-you’ll deal with people you hate, including your boss, so you have to learn the skills to continue in those environments. Once you have a good education, get a good job and you’ll be independent. Later your parents might even become good friends to you (like in my case).
@Lawli, im sorry your having a tough time with your parents, i know myself i used to want nothing more than to leave, i used to dream of being taken away to another family, and my parents were good parents, so i can only imagine where your head is at. you are fully entitled to leave when you turn 18, but use this time to get a solid plan in place, like as fool proof as you possibly can, because theres nothing worse than leaving and ending up having to go back because you didnt think it through. but the fact is you have a few years left at home, so you are going to have to learn some way to work with your parents, you would be suprised how much they could get off your case if you give in on some areas. at the end of the day parents are here to protect and mind us and do what they think is best for us, because they love us. you may not agree with them and thats fine, but they really only want what they think is best
Hi lawli, reading your post I think I can help. I am 17 years almost 18(august) so am slightly older than you but I went through the same thing when I was your age. My parents also made me hat myself and are also the reason I have tried to kill myself. I left home when I was 16 and went to live with my auntie. I am glad you didn’t cut yourself as you will have those scars with you for a long time and from experience they can cause you to be self conscious. Please don’t hurt yourself. Running away isn’t a good idea unless you have somewhere to go as otherwise you will end up having to go back and pontentially making situation worse. I would recommend trying to stay until your 18. I know living with them is hard cause no you cant really ignore them. Do you have friends you go out with? cause a solution could be is go out a lot with friends during the day as this will give you less time to have to spend with your parents. If you want to talk email me skywakeman@gmail.com
I understand what bot of you are saying, I also already have a plan, I know what career I want and I’m already working towards it now. I also have a back up, and places I want to go that aren’t expensive to live in. Of course I already know that I have a couple years to plan it and that kind of thing, and trust me I started planning a long time ago.
Thank you day2day and Prosel for replying, I willl take your words into consideration.
You’re welcome Lawli and it sounds like you gave it a lot of thought and have a plan which is good to hear. Best of luck in your future, cheers.