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Spent most of my day crying today.

I’m pregnant so I’m sure I’m doing terrible things to my unborn son by merely having depression.

I’m currently in therapy and under the care of a psychiatrist. I lie to them because if I don’t I’m 100% positive Child protective services will take my other child back out of my custody and the other once they’re born.

Just an FYI the government can take your children just because you have mental illness. My advice is to lie. You might not get the help you need but let me tell you it’s better than losing a child.

I keep telling myself that once I’m not pregnant i can take my life. I don’t have to suffer from depression anymore.

Most might think it’s shitty to leave my kids like that but I think it’s better for them in the long run. At least people understand “my mom is dead” they don’t understand “my mom couldn’t be here tonight because she’s too depressed to get out of bed” or “I don’t think you can come over my mom hasn’t slept right lately”

I’d rather my kids just tell their friends their mom died, not make excuses for my illness. The don’t deserve being outcast because I’m fucked up.

I keep mentioning not making it through postpartum but no one seems to be taking me seriously except my boyfriend. He can’t save me and I’ve made that clear.

I feel like I’m just rambling now.

Basically I feel extremely guilty for everything today.
I want to commit suicide tonight.
I can’t commit suicide tonight because it’s against one of two main rules “do no physical harm to another”

(I’m pro choice but I have respect for the potential life growing in my body)

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Ant 5/24/2016 - 5:38 am

This sounds awful, really sorry you are feeling like this. If you genuinely feel that once you have given birth you will take your life then what harm can it do to be honest now and try and get some help, even if just to get you through the pregnancy? even if your child was temporarily taken in to Child protective services? It may not even come to that, you mentioned your partner.. They would surely consider him having custody.

maddie_kay 5/28/2016 - 2:11 pm

If your baby already has developed to where it has a gender, how is it considered a “potential life”? I mean, when we find cells in water on Mars, it’s considered life. But having a human being growing inside you, thats “potential life”?
Please, I beg you. Watch some videos of abortions. The ultra sound ones. You can see the baby being ripped apart by forceps. You can see the baby move away before being strategically torn to pieces.
I mean, the creator of Planned Parenthood was Margaret Sanger. Do you know why she wanted abortion clinics? She wanted colored people “exterminated”. Yes, that’s right. Abortion first became legal because racists wanted to wipe out non-whites. Here’s a link
h ttp://www.blackgenocide.org/planned.html

Aside from that, I sincerely hope you don’t commit suicide, even after your baby is born. I’ve seen how children are affected by divorce, I can only imagine what your kids will go though if you die. I would recommend you try and take a small vacation away from home. A change of scenery makes a difference sometimes. Even if it’s only for a day or 2

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