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Life so far

by Mydestiny

Hey guys,

My names MyDestiny but you can also call me Rob if you want as it doesn’t matter to me. I found this forum just the other day and thought it was quite an interesting place with nice people sharing their stories so i’ve decided to put mine out there.

I gotta say it feels really weird to tell anyone about how i feel since in reality nobody suspects a thing is wrong and i never speak much of how i really feel to anybody. However i do feel that my friends (The only two that i have) may be catching on a bit as I recently have been down quite a lot and I joke around about commiting suicide… anyway it’s kinda hard to explain.

So how have I come to sink this low? Well there’s 2 main reasons for this but not really the kind of reasons alot of people have like relationships, hating themselves or stuff like that. I’m a 17 y/o Grade 12 student set to graduate by the end of June and even though you may think i’d be happy to finally get out of school, pick a career and all that, it actually really depresses and freaks me out knowing that the end of school is so close and seemingly every direction i wanted to take for a career i find flaws with so im stuck in my tracks.

Then there’s also how even tho i’ve not seen any kind of a doctor or anything like that, i know that I have depresstion and really bad social anxiety for a long time now. That being why I only have 2 friends that don’t really know how i feel and why my family doesn’t know whats going on and just thinks i’m in a bad mood all the time.

I’m starting to fail my classes, stopped doing things I enjoy and have no hope whatsoever for my future. The past month or so i’ve been looking at methods of suicide and i’m really considering going through with it. I feel pretty stupid b*tching on the internet about my problems that aren’t even close to as bad as a lot of people have it but I just don’t know what to do anymore! It’s just a matter of time really before something happens to me but i’m likely to do it soon as its on my mind around the clock. I’m torn when it comes to getting help especially because i don’t want people to know about me and this kind of stuff.

Anyway sorry for writing a long ass story of here it just feels good to speak my mind even if noone is to read it if you know what i’m tryna say. There’s no good way to end a story like this so i’ll just end it here.

Take care guys!

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2 comments

Randall 5/9/2016 - 5:04 pm

Thanks for writing. I know what your try’na say. I know it well. Diddo for me. or is it ditto? I haven’t seen a doctor and suicide is my fall back mind set. Been this way for decades. There are a gazillion teen graduating from school and don’t have a clue. There are tons of people graduating from college adn don’t have a clue. There are people in their senior years who still haven’t figured it out. so..point is…you’re not alone. No one knows what the hell is going on. Funny if you stop and think about it. Everyone is running around, bumping into each other looking like they know what they’re doing and when they come to a stop they lift their shoulders and shrug…Whaaaa?? Good luck and welcome to the funny farm. You’ll fit right in with the rest of us.

Mydestiny 5/9/2016 - 5:16 pm

Haha yea.. that’s why i think its pretty stupid and that i’m overreacting getting this upset over something so simple. I know that lots of people dont’t have direction for there future, it’s actually the same thing for one of my friends. I totally get what you’re saying tho. It’s just that I am really uncertain and feel lost without any direction. I get anxiety knowing the end is near for my secondary and it freaks me out haha.

Oh and thanks for the warm welcome! 🙂 lol

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