To harm any innocent life is only to harm the love of the world.This is what i have always lived by.Im in the bathroom at this very second pondering my way out of life.i know im sick,every small decision and trouble i face in the road leads to the ultimate solution. Im suppose to be getting married in 9 days,and im only 19.i wish i had made a diffrent career choice so that i could give this perfecr girl everything that she deserves. The army isnt for me,and every day that goes by i regret joining.i live in constant fear of the world around me.getting in trouble for things that dont matter in the real world.i coulnt pass a pt test so i poisoned myself to burn holes in my stomach so that i woulnt have to take them anymore,and to see if i could be medically discharged for it.god i hope they send me home on honorable conditions.if not,then im out.the tactic is simple and painless.hose fro the exaust pipe of my car to the cabin.sleep forever.i know my wife will miss me,and thats the only part of this that i cant come to peace with.but if i dont get out,im not going to drag her into a deadbeat life with an unstable husband.these are my morals.
I remember you now. And I’m really glad that you didn’t go through with that water intoxication. That would have been an ugly way to go, and you deserve better.
I just wanted to say, Axeon, that I commend you for having such love for your wife. But I also can’t help but think that she’d be even worse off if you were dead than if you were a deadbeat. Both emotionally and financially.
I can understand partly what your going through. My soon to be husband is also in the military and also has horrible deppression. Has panic attacks. And hurts himself. I am his soon to be wife. And I am with him all the steps of the way. If he is feeling down I tell him to wake me up if I am sleeping. And he does. And I console him. It may not be much. But I would do anything for him. I also have my faults. Just recently quit my job and had a hysterical episode. And he was right there doing the same for me. We might always tend to look at the bad side of things more than the good. But try not to overlook the good that’s in your life. It is easy to let your demons consume you. To tell you you are nothing. But you have to be stronger. I have a song for you to listen to. Andy black they don’t need to understand. Take charge of your life. If you don’t like it change it.
I was just thinking of you this morning. I’m so glad you didn’t do the water solution. Seems you are totally overwelmed.