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sigh….

by claritee

I just broke down crying in front of my mom, I never cry in front of her.

Okay, so I know I talk my ex incessantly, but I never talk about my real pain. I am a caretaker for my 70 year old mother. I forgot to schedule her transportation (because she’s wheelchair bound) for an appointment she has had for months with her pain doctor.

My brain is scattered. I can barely put on my shoes and yet I am bogged down with EVERYTHING. I have to do everything under the sun for her because she is disabled. I also run a business at home and my only real free time is when I can escape to the gym… it was nice when I had my ex because at least I could lean on him for support.

I forgot to schedule transportation for her…. and she’s had the appointment scheduled for months. All day long I’ve been on the phone, trying to get someone to help her out. And nothing. It’s my fault. If she’s in pain, it’s my fault. Everything is my fault. I feel SO bad. She can’t get another appointment for MONTHS because the doctor is booked up. It’s all MY FAULT!!!

I feel so terrible. I told her… I told her that I probably shouldn’t be taking care of her. She looked scared but empathetic. Her choice would be a nursing home. I suffer from depression and anxiety… I have no business trying to take care of my mother.

I don’t know what to do……… To have this much weight on my shoulders…. I don’t wish it upon anybody.

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claritee 5/2/2016 - 8:21 pm

Update: I found transportation. I wiped my tears and got my shit together and called another place. Finally.

How am I functioning?

Cold_Sleep 5/2/2016 - 9:03 pm

with a big loving heart

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