So…this is my first post I guess?
I’m sorry If I’m going against any of the rules accidentally? I read them but I’m rlly insecure about writing
Oh well
Anyway just…
How can it seem like I’m finally getting out of the rabbit hole..I see a slight beam of light in the distance…
And it turns out to just be an illusion. Everything comes crushing down again, if not even worse.
I feel so lonely and just…done.
I don’t want to be here anymore. I really don’t.
I have the pills…I’m just scared I will be found and then not die and be left with brain damage?
Why can’t I leave alltogether and peacefully…without restraints…just…
It’s not fair to force someone to live when they don’t want to. When they are tired of crying every night, of grabbing that pocket knife every day, of hanging on with no point.
It’s just not fair.
7 comments
Hey. I think I know how you feel. I caught myself the other day saying I wished medically induced comas were a treatment option for recurrent depression, lol. You’ve probably given this a lot of thought yourself so I don’t want to sound patronising. But is there anything you enjoy doing? Anything you could do right now?
Thanks for your understanding…
I used to enjoy drawing and writing stories…but…it’s been a year of struggling to find motivation to do those things.
It has been months since I last finished a full drawing…and an entire year or so since I last finished a story.
I just…I don’t even know anymore. I feel lost and lonely and everything just seems to get worse. I feel like I wasn’t really meant to leave at all.
Aaaa sorry If I went too far D : I don’t really talk about my stuff, and I have to hide it from everyone irl, so I guess I just end up always talking too much online.
Btw, thanks for commenting? I-If you ever need anything, I’m here, even though I might not bee of too much help…
Thanks for your understanding…
I used to enjoy drawing and writing stories…but…it’s been a year of struggling to find motivation to do those things.
It has been months since I last finished a full drawing…and an entire year or so since I last finished a story.
I just…I don’t even know anymore. I feel lost and lonely and everything just seems to get worse. I feel like I wasn’t really meant to leave at all.
Aaaa sorry If I went too far D : I don’t really talk about my stuff, and I have to hide it from everyone irl, so I guess I just end up always talking too much online.
Btw, thanks for commenting? I-If you ever need anything, I’m here, even though I might not bee of too much help…
You can put everything on here, trust me. We’re all here to listen and some to help. I had the same allusion recently, its kinda all been down hill from there though.
I read this book in school called Brave New World, its this dystopia novel I’m actually kind of obsessed with now. In the book it talks about this drug “soma”, its basically like ecstasy, but you can go on “vacation”(as they describe it) using huge amounts. You just knock out for awhile and you’re in a happy dream-like state. Everything is perfect there, i want to be there. However, life is not perfect and its hard and it sucks most of the time, for me anyway, but then theres days when you’re full of life. I hope you have those days everyday. Please don’t end it now. I know I’m a stranger and it might not matter, but i think all people matter. You matter.
…It must be an amazing novel…I’ll check it out.
If only it were possible…I’d give ANYTHING, even my own life, to leave this hell. I’m not catholic, but my family is, and I discovered that hell is not something I could end up in. It’s something I’m carrying around with me right now…but I can’t drop it.
Sorry I went too far again didn’t I?
I hope you have those days too…I know we don’t know each other, but you deserve it. Thank you for these kind words…<33
I understand, its kind of like carrying this huge weight wherever you go. People don’t know what you’re carrying, but you can never forget or let it go. It sucks. It really does, I’m sorry you have to go through it. By the way, I’m serious you can say anything on here. Especially stuff like that, its good to let people know how you feel so we can help. Im probably a million miles away, but on here we’re basically friends. Let me know if you need anything or want to talk. Im always here.
Thanks by the way.
Koiffee, we all experience the up’s then downs, it’s not fun during the downs, don’t do anything stupid during the downs, put away the pills.