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though my will shall never break, but it will bend…….

by noneedforaname

I have a friend, and our relationship had grown into something more. I have known that she has leukemia that has been in remission for a few years, but it’s back. After a long conversation she told me that she love’s me, and…. I have to say I love her too. Even with the things going on in our lives, I still assured her I was here for the long haul. I don’t want her to feel alone or like she has to face this alone like she did the first time. After a divorce that completely crushed me, I stayed alone for a year to heal myself before she came into my life. The day that she told me that she loved me, ( and vice versa )I asked her to take care of my heart, it’s been broken so many times and there’s not much of it left, but I’m giving it to you anyways, and she swore to me ” I promise to always take care of it, nobody will ever hurt it again ” and not too long after that she walked away without so much as an explanation or goodbye. Haha, heart broken yet again, but such is life I guess. I got a call today from her today, told that she had made a terrible mistake, but didn’t want to put me through what she’s going through, but I’m a big boy I said. I know what I signed up for, and that I wanted to be by her side through this no matter what the outcome may be. Now I’m torn, and not only that. I was listening to some of my favorite music, and the lyrics in one song said, ( though my ” will ” shall never break, but it will bend. Like the scars that heal, but never mend ) WOW !!!! my exact feelings put to music lol. Again there’s a few people here that know me and my story here, and I haven’t posted anything in a minute because I have been so angry lately and now this. And even though I’m stilled pissed at the world, im confused now. Because part of me wants to tell her to go ” FUCK HERSELF ” and part of me still wants to walk this journey with her so that I can make sure that sheI never feels alone, but none of me trust her. Lmfao, anyways, that’s the end of my rant. I hope everyone has the greatest of days. 🙂 🙂 🙂

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6 comments

Cordless 5/15/2016 - 12:19 pm

Somehow it reminds me of that last bit in the Wizard Of Oz, when the wizard says to the tin man, “You want a heart… you don’t know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.”

And the tin man replies, “But I still want one.”

Hazy Day Sunflower 5/15/2016 - 12:23 pm

I read this. It makes me really introspective this morning. I don’t have a lot of good advice. I tend to just close my eyes and leap when it comes to loving people. I don’t look. Many times there is pavement in lieu of a cool deep pool.

Wintergirl 5/15/2016 - 12:54 pm

Been there far too many times. That pavement hurts.

Wintergirl 5/15/2016 - 12:53 pm

I’m reading. That’s such a tough situation. Did she explain why she disappeared the first time? Is it possible she just got scared? It’s hard for me to give good advice in a situation like this because only you know what you feel towards her, so I would just say trust your gut.

noneedforaname 5/16/2016 - 4:49 pm

Thank you everyone for the kind words and advice. I’m still unsure what to do. The one thing I am sure of is that as a friend I will continue to try and be here for her .

muspelhem 5/15/2016 - 2:02 pm

What you need to do is very simple:

Understand what happened.

Then you can happily make your decision.

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