I am slowly falling apart, having peices of my life ripped out of my hands and showed into an inaccessible part of me. There are times where I feel sad. There are times where I feel lonely. There are times where I feel empty….the list goes on and on. I’ve tried to drop subtle hints to my parents that I’m not ok, but they just don’t get it. They don’t understand that I feel physical pain when they yell at me. That I feel like a waste of space and a complete mistake when they talk about me behind my back. They don’t understand that I feel like I am hurting them. When this happens, it causes me to become emotional which usually ends in a complete sob session in my bedroom. My bedroom is the only place I feel safe, so I usually lock the door so I can enjoy some alone time. Today my mom yelled at me to unlock the door and let her in so she could “talk to me.” I told her I want to be alone, that I need time to think. “That’s bullshit” she yelled “let me in before I ground you for a year.” I sighed, and slowly opened the door. My mom told me if I lock my door again she’ll take the lock out. I just feel awful, and I’m currently sitting on my bed wishing I could die. I feel lost. No one understands me or pays attention to any clues of depression I drop towards them. My anxiety makes it even worse, but of course, my friends and family don’t believe in mental illnesses. Big whoop. Friends? Who am I kidding? My “friends” are just a small group of 2 or 3 people who somehow tolerate all of my problems. Most of my school hates me. I’ve never had a boyfriend, although I do have a crush on one guy who probably doesn’t even know I exist. Does anyone even care about me anymore???? I am so sorry, I just realized how long this is. Yep, I just wanted to write a simple paragraph and ended up basically giving you my life story. Wow, I really do mess everything up.
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hey @Empty, you havent messed anything up. i dont think subtilty works when it comes to depression, i urge you to actually tell your parents how you feel straight out, i know it sounds terrifying, but once you do they can take proper steps to get you help.
I know it gets really really old when people tell you they know how you feel….. but I can honestly say that when I read this it sounded like someone wrote down my feelings and thoughts from when I was about 6th to 10th grade in school. I felt that way about my parents and my school and my friends. I felt like it was literally impossible to have a friend that wouldn’t actually eff me over behind my back. My actual best friends all the way back from elementary school couldn’t even be loyal good friends….the sacrificed our friendships for popularity points and getting in with the “in” crowd. I felt like my life was pointless and my parents constantly thought I did everything wrong and not up to their standards. I felt like they weren’t understanding how I felt…. and it was awkward to just bring it up in person so I wrote them out a letter explaining how I felt and what had been going on at lately. My parents sat me and down we all made an effort to get me going in the right direction back to a happy and healthy life. I can definitely tell you that as much as it seems like you’ll never get past the section of your life that seems to pretty much “blow”…. you WILL get through it and it WILL get better. It doesn’t probably feel like it now but I promise it does get so much better.