I just got the message, from my ex, she want’s to go out for a drink with me tomorrow night!! I still love her, so that’s great right ? so why em I posting this crap here?
Well it is not great, this is not fucking great at all. And here is why :
we have been together for almost 5 years, and she have break up with me 2 months ago, 3 weeks ago she had told me she have meet someone and that they are dating for few days now. But 2 weeks ago I have found out she had been cheating with this guy for months when we were still together and all the lies she had told me in all this past months, and even now in this two months that we are not together anymore she told me so many lies, I have just lost count.
so I really need your opinion please!
Should I confront her tomorrow, tell her that I know all the lies and cheating she had done to me?
I’m thinking yes – my time is running out ! Because, I have exams in 25 days, and I need to pass them to finish school finally and try to get a decent job for once. I have had just enough energy to hold on this two months that I was studying everyday for this final exams, but I have completely stop 2 weeks ago, when I found out about this. After 13 years of this exact same ending in previous relationships my heart is not broken but dead this time, so at least I don’t have to worry about that, but it’s tearing my soul in pieces, Its making me sick and can’t sleep or eat, having panic attacks, paranoia is appearing more often and depression bad as never before, and I attempted suicide once before. And how the fuck can I possible study now? I was barley holding on before, all the good memories and beautiful moments we had, and hard times we conquered them together, are now gone for ever, drowned in lies, and it’s taking me down with it.
I need to hear her say the truth to me. My soul is dying and I’m wishing I can find some peace or strength in it, at least for this month, so I can get myself together and try to salvage this lost time and get back to study, with this last energy in me, don’t even want to think if it’s not already too late now for me.
by not telling her, my life is at hold, can’t stop thinking about it, it has taken me over, and it’s ripping what has left of me apart.
I’m thinking no – i’m spinning in a circle ! Here is what is scaring me even more, and i’m afraid! this girl, she is mentally ill too. She was cutting herself for over 10 years, attempt suicide twice, been in psychiatric hospital 6 times already. what is even worse is she should be taking 3 types of pills, but for the past 6 months she only taken 1 type of those pills, and this might be the cause of mood swings and her decisions in this last months, but maybe not I don’t know. And what is even worse when I think about it more is, she can be manipulated by others quite fast, and not to my surprise, the guy she is dating, is her “friend”, she knows him for like 1 year now (and this guy, he was like take a pic of your dog, can I see your new hair color? here I bought you gift etc…for this entire year that she knows him).
I don’t know. Is the mental grip holding her this badly now? are the pills? is she being manipulated? is the combination? is it something else? or she just wanted to get away from me?
I’m afraid, if I confront her, and tell her that I know about all the lies she is telling and cheating she had done, she might start to hate herself again, she will also see how broken I have become by her actions, she might fall even deeper in depressions and her dark mind, which would probably mean that she would start cutting again (she had stop 3 years ago, I don’t know if the new boyfriend even knows about her mental state and problems she had and has, and will not even be able to give her support she needs), it might again get so bad she would try suicide or go to hospital for at least 1 month or more, and fail at school, and can’t work when your in hospital which would leave her without money, which would destroy her life, and mine with it, for pushing her down this path.
But knowing her I feel, I can’t take a risk, it will end badly, it will destroy her life or cripple it beyond repair, and then mine goes with it.
I’m spinning in a circle between this impossible decisions, of which, future and life, of someone else, that I care and love, and me, might get destroyed. And I’m running out of time, been thinking for the past 2 weeks, sometimes I decide I will take one way and will not change my mind about it anymore, hours later I’m convinced I will do the other way around because it’s for the best, tomorrow she will see me, and exams are at end of this month.
– I want to “man up!” slap myself, get it together, let it slip away and don’t you dare mention this to her tomorrow or ever! but this energy is sipping out of me, and it’s ripping me apart emotionaly and mental state is getting worse by day. But I want to smile, I need to, for her, when she ask me tomorrow how are you? I need to forget about it and my exams with it.
-Or maybe I’m over thinking this? Might be she just will not care that I know, and will not feel bad for her actions, or that my situations has gotten so bad. I wish this would be true, then I would need not to worry about her state, I still love her and care for her very much, probably too much for my own good. But I just might take this broken pieces that are left for me and somehow try my best to survive this month, If I confront her, and she tells me get over it, she doesn’t care about me anymore.
is there any other way? I’m I blind, possible stupid?
What would you do? If you were her, what would you want me to do?