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Yup, I can’t deal with failure. Tips?

by They Call Me Amy

So I have been depressed since I was 13, I had a eating disorder (anorexia) for almost three years, I have social anxiety, I self harmed for many years, but now I am 7 months free (yep, trying to hold on) and I tried to commit suicide 5 times.

I can’t stand not being the best, and this feeling is eating me alive. I can’t focus, I can’t stop crying, I can’t sleep and I can’t eat. The feeling of not being perfect is destroying my life, I can’t help but break stuff, hurt myself, slap my face and smash my head against a wall everytime I feel I am losing control and not being good enough. This feeling has been making my life miserable since high school, it seems like I am not able to let myself make mistakes and I can’t even accept when things don’t go as planned.

I am a med student, I have never felt so much pressure in my life like I feel now, I pressure myself to be perfect, even tho I am not and I will never be, I just feel sometimes like I am not doing the right thing and that I am not capable, strong and smart enough to be a doctor. I am starting to feel jealous of my colleagues when others say how great they are, and that isn’t me, I am a sweet person, I don’t wanna be contaminated with this posion, I really need to feel free.

So please, do you have any tips? I desperately need some.

Thank you

 

12 comments
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12 comments

muspelhem 5/23/2016 - 11:45 am

Why do you want to be perfect?

They Call Me Amy 5/25/2016 - 10:28 pm

More like I need to be perfect to feel happy and satisfied with myself

gkks 5/23/2016 - 12:04 pm

Perfection is boring.

They Call Me Amy 5/25/2016 - 10:28 pm

I wish my mind could think like that

NoBuddy 5/23/2016 - 1:48 pm

I don’t want to be perfect. But my life goes nowhere. 🙁

They Call Me Amy 5/25/2016 - 10:29 pm

You will be fine, dont lose Hope.

rocketman 5/23/2016 - 6:16 pm

You can only do your best but here’s my secrete tips!! 🙂

THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH FAILURE!!!

Buy a large bottle of vodka and use Dr. Pepper for a chaser!!

They Call Me Amy 5/25/2016 - 10:30 pm

Hahaha I am too broke to buy vodka right nos, but maybe later

petalsinbloom 5/24/2016 - 4:56 am

hey there 🙂
i used to be like that. i used to cry when i couldn’t get it right, i used to wanna kill myself when i make mistakes. and i know a lot of people like that. so to start: not wanting to make mistakes is a natural instinct of a human being. as humans, we’d like to live the very best lives we could live. so just know that it’s ok and perfectly fine. a tip that i could give you is to be proud of your mistakes, as mistakes are essentially needed to grow. and its very beautiful to see someone rise from their mistakes. also, asking for tips is a way of dealing with failure, so im saying that you’ve taken the first step and im proud of you. 🙂 all the best

They Call Me Amy 5/25/2016 - 10:34 pm

Hey, thank you so much for taking your time to reply, that was very wise and actually gave me some hope. I am looking forward to find some medical help with this perfectionism, and I Will also try to embrance my mistakes, learning from them. Just one step at a time. Thanks again, and take care 🙂

ZeldaSky 5/25/2016 - 10:33 pm

I have always been this way too. I think it comes from a feeling deep down that I’m fundamentally flawed and that to just be as good as others, I have to be better at certain things. Not everything, but just a few select areas- to supposedly make up for where I’m not good enough. Not worthy. It sounds completely crazy when I say it like that.

They Call Me Amy 5/25/2016 - 10:38 pm

It makes sense, don’t worry. I also feel like that, studying a lot will make up for my lack of beauty haha
I Hope you get better too, stay strong 🙂

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