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by kilofifi

I tried to change a man that would never change.

I tried to see someone in you that wasn’t real.

I tried to help you love and forgive though I couldn’t do the same.

I tried to love a man that would never love me, that I would never love.

I tried to see a life that couldn’t exist.

I tried to be happy with someone that made me terribly unhappy.

I tried to, and I failed.

I’m pregnant now, and I’m married, and I’m lost and alone.

 

I don’t know what love is

I wish I did

I tried

I’m so sorry Daniel, so sorry for being a black hole in search of light.

I can’t live with you, I can’t live with myself, I can’t live in this world.

I hope for your life, that you forget about mine.

I wasn’t meant for you and everyday this is clearer to me.

You don’t love yourself or anyone else. I don’t love myself but I love who I can be, and who I can be will never be with you, you will drown me in quick sand and I’ll suffocate.

Luis, I wish I had stayed in Mexico, I wish I would have stayed with you. It hurts terribly.

My heart hearts, my head hurts, my everything hurts.

I am not who I needed to be and I’m not with who I needed.

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AnnieBear 6/26/2016 - 1:01 am

What popped into my mind and struck a cord in me after reading this was, “I fell in love with who you could be.” Maybe all this time, 2-3 years later, I’ve been mourning the loss of a person that never existed and probably never will. It hurts realizing this and I’m not sure I will ever accept it. I want so badly for “that” Kurt and that “Me” meant for each other, to be real.

I’m sorry I can’t offer you any words of encouragement or advice or whatever. Just that I understand some of the pain you feel. A lot to think about tonight.

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