I see my therapist at 9AM tomorrow morning. Despite multiple attempts to go alone, my mum is insistent someone goes with me and do my Nan is coming along. Fun.
I had to walk my brother to school today (50 minutes there and back), and on the way home two men were following me. I ran across main roads while traffic was still coming, not caring about possibly getting hit by an oncoming car. I got home and locked everywhere up, not allowing the dogs out for 2 hours, and I hid in the kitchen behind the breakfast bar.
After 2 hours of panicking and crying over them walking past countless times, my mum got home and I attempted to tell her what happened. As I was telling her they walked past again and i pointed them out to her. Needless to say, she couldn’t see them and she says I’m seeing things again (she doesn’t know I see things still since I don’t mention them).
I didn’t tell her I ran across the roads. She wouldn’t leave me alone anymore. Nor did I say I stopped someone in the street to ask them to help me as I was being followed before I ran off – despite awful anxiety around people, I couldn’t care less at that moment as I thought I was going to die.
I still think someone’s following me. But the front door is locked, and you need a key to get in from the outside. Bree met me outside my brother’s school gates and we walked/ran back together. But she left before my mum got home. Otherwise I would’ve got her to tell my mum what happened. Oh well.
The voices have been bad today, I’ve been unable to make out what they’re saying most of the time. It’s just been noise mostly since seeing those men. I’m exhausted though, since I barely slept again last night. So hopefully I should be able to get to sleep despite it. Fingers crossed.
I wrote a poem a few nights back in the early hours of the morning. I’ve been debating on whether to post it or not. I feel it’s better to be spoken aloud to get the emotion across better, but I’m not so sure if I could do that. We’ll see if I can muster up the courage to do that.