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crashing

by Wintergirl

I don’t know why I did it. My arms hurt. I did great otherwise today,  got 2.4 miles in walking. Ate well. My moods been on edge all day. I started picking at first, an old scabbed bug bite, not enough. Now I’ve fucking scratched up and bruised my arms. I am glad I didn’t cut, but I’m not ready to have to explain any of that. The temptation was strong, too strong. I haven’t had a problem with that in at least 10 years.  My anxiety is so bad. I need to drug myself to sleep soon so it will stop. I hate even mentioning all this because I’m usually able to keep it under wraps.  Not today. I feel so damn weak. I’m hoping the urges will lessen soon tonight because I can’t handle it. I’m definitely not in any danger so don’t worry about me. Just had to get it out somehow.

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2 comments

restrictingheart 6/6/2016 - 11:26 pm

Not every good day is a perfect one. Be happy for the positive parts of today. Don’t sell small successes short. But I am sorry you feel that temptation. I know exactly what that is like and it is horrible to feel like you are weak for resorting back to something you once overcame. But you didn’t cut so that means you didn’t give into that temptation today. You are stronger than you gave yourself credit for. and that is something that made this day a good one. You fought through it. That counts for something

Cordless 6/7/2016 - 12:31 am

2.4 miles is way WAY more than I am physically capable of walking, even with the braces and the walker. So it’s totally awesome that you can do that.
🙂
Here, I’ll send you a virtual blueberry muffin wrapped in a pretty purple bow.

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