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family crisis

by lulu99

im a female, will be 17 in august, maybe.  My family just got a hold of some pictures of me smoking weed and that sparked them to search my room and found soooo much weed and bongs and bowls and lighters and stuff.  They are furious and ashamed and they just found out all this other stuff about me to that you wouldnt want your parents to know.  I know it doesnt sound like a big deal but my parents HATE me now. my parents arent speaking to each other, they are probably going to get divorced because they are blaming each other for my behavior.  My brother hates me because my parents are also blaming him for knowing about some stuff i did and not coming to them.  Its not going to get better. My dad has a temper usually but NEVER has screamed at me the way he did and said the things he said before.  He told me that i am no longer his daughter, that he doesnt want me associated with the family anymore because all i do is bring shame to us.  He said that he hates me and he cant believe that im such a fuck up.  My mom and dad both havent talked to me in days.  They took my phone, my computer, they are selling my car, im not allowed to be friends with my only two friends, im grounded for the entire summer and probably more. the only way im even writing this is through an old ipod they forgot i have in my room.  i am so depressed and i havent stopped crying for three days straight. i have completely torn apart my whole family and cant stop thinking that if i wasnt here anymore all of their problems would go away. i dont know what to do.


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death bunny 6/14/2016 - 8:03 pm

that’s harsh.. sorry to hear that.
it always gets on my nerves what people make of weed. it’s a fucking plant. that doesn’t count as drugs. sorry, had to get it out of my system.
your situation sounds shitty, but i suggest you let the water cool down a little. maybe your parents will un-ground you and all that other stuff once all that’s happened will sink down. i really hope the best for you.

lulu99 6/14/2016 - 8:46 pm

Exactly. Its not like i’m addicted to coke or heroin, that would be a different story. Thanks for the advice, hopefully it will die down soon. not sure how much more of this i can take

mysteriousvisitor 6/14/2016 - 8:31 pm

I have absolutely no doubt that you are miserable right now, and understandably so. The situation you described really sucks. But as a middle-aged mother who remembers both my teen years and my daughter’s teen years I can assure you: your parents do not hate you, you have not torn your family apart, and though your brother might think he hates you right now, he will get over it. It does sound like your parents didn’t handle it very well, based on some of the things they said and the fact that they’re giving you the silent treatment, but just because they’re doing a poor job of handling it doesn’t mean they hate you. If I had a dollar for every time a similar scene has played out in a household, in America alone, I would be so wealthy I wouldn’t be on this forum. That is not meant to belittle your situation, but to reassure you.

Your best bet is to handle it as *calmly* and with as much maturity as possible. When a person is really upset that’s not what they want to do, but that’s when they’re really tested, and if they stay calm it comes out better in the end.

lulu99 6/14/2016 - 8:43 pm

Thank you so much, hearing advice coming from a parent really means a lot to me.

rivets 6/14/2016 - 8:32 pm

What country do you live in, lulu? These things pass. I think about 90% of human beings smoke pot at least once, but parents don’t always know how to handle problems like that wisely. If they do get divorced, it won’t be because you were smoking pot. They don’t hate you, they just don’t know how they’re supposed to respond – it’s probably also something they did at your age, and their parents may have reacted the same way then. Just $0.02

My dad went off the wall when he caught me smoking pot when I was 15 or 16 I think. Just ballistic – it was crazy.

Then I got to college and he came to visit me in Florida, pulled out a joint and lit it right there in the car. I was just as freaked out as he probably was when he caught me doing it, but the end result was us both getting stoned and getting lost. Fun times. To summarize: adults are insane. Never grow up.

mysteriousvisitor 6/14/2016 - 8:36 pm

“getting stoned and getting lost”

In that order?

rivets 6/14/2016 - 8:38 pm

Well, we knew the way to where I was staying from the airport, but then we got high and wound up almost to the Keys with no idea how we got there or how to get back. Was before smart phones and GPS units. Didn’t help that we were both too paranoid to ask anyone for directions.

lulu99 6/14/2016 - 8:40 pm

thank you for answering, i have never really done anything like this and didn’t expect anyone to actually care. I live in America

rivets 6/14/2016 - 8:45 pm

Typical suburban family drama, then. Trust me – it seems like the end of the world right now, but once everyone involved has some perspective, it’ll mellow out. Your parents are probably giving you the silent treatment because they’re ashamed of how they handled the issue (IMO – just don’t suggest that to them… adults don’t like people pointing out the obvious for some reason). You’ll be okay. Just try to weather it out and don’t drive yourself crazy over it. Your parents love you or they wouldn’t be upset, or upset that they were upset. It’s a whole guilt train that has to run its course.

death bunny 6/14/2016 - 8:44 pm

lol. yeah, me and my girlfriend had our first kid six months ago and we already talked about how cool it will be to get high as a family after he’s 18.

SeeSmith 6/14/2016 - 8:38 pm

Your parents are wigging out because they refuse to accept the fact that young people are not what they think they ought to be. Old story. That is sad.

Thier attempts at punishing you will only backfire. You are close enough to adulthood that you deserve to be reasoned with, not banished.

If they get divorced then it’s because they hate each other. Not your fault. I’ve seen many families to deal with much worse shit and keep on keeping on.

I wish you could step out of your role as daughter and take on the role of visiting space alien. Why are these people yelling? Are your crimes proportional to thier response? Can they articulate how isolating you socially solves any problems? Can they remember how they coped with life when they were your age? Do they understand they are making a statement that they would rather you conform than be honest?

My son started smoking weed when he was 17. When I found out the first thing I asked was if he’d done his homework. I also asked him if he understood that doing it all the time is a bad idea. He’s smart, he understood. End of subject. There are much more serious things in life to deal with.

Hunker down. Hold on for a year more. Get the hell out. Good luck!

lulu99 6/14/2016 - 8:45 pm

You are the first person to ever agree that I’m not a child! Thank you! Your son is lucky, he sounds like a good kid and you sound like a great parent. Thanks for the advice

Hazy Day Sunflower 6/14/2016 - 8:41 pm

Parents are human being like you and me. Sometimes they react poorly to things, especially if they were raised to believe that family is something rigid with a lot of rules. I am so sorry this is happening to you. Knee jerk reactions are common in response to what they found in your room. Few parents would be able to power through that and make it a learning moment for everyone in the family.

So where to go from here? I don’t have a lot of answers. My mother was much like you are describing your parents are. She is a knee jerk reactionary that rarely is able to make things out of her comfort zone a life learning moment for not only her but the other folks involved in the events that are unfolding. Her solution to most things was much the same as your parents did. Shut me off from all social ties, take away everything I held dear. Take my freedom. The only thing she couldn’t take was my imagination. That I hid from her and everyone else near me. I dove deep into myself and lived a rich fantasy life in my own head when things got really bad.

And they got really bad a LOT.

I’m not condoning what your parents did or what they said. Ride the wave like a tiny surfer atop a tsunami. You can do this. It can only last so long. When you turn 18 you can walk the hell out of there if they haven’t resolved their own discomfort with the fact that you are doing things against their wishes and or percieved morals. I know that sounds trite. It isn’t I promise you. Take the high road. There is never any shame taking the high road. And talk. Keep talking here, talk to friends if you can. Talk to yourself. The cat. Keep talking. You are not what they say they are regarless of how they percieve you.

lulu99 6/14/2016 - 9:09 pm

Thank you. means a lot

hendrixharvey 6/16/2016 - 5:48 pm

First Cannabis is a drug plant or not anything that acts on the central nervous system is a drug however Cannabis has helped me with chronic pain depression. My honest opinion is that as a parent my child’s welfare should be no 1 priority in life and if they felt better as in if they suffered depression or chronic pain I would not have an issue if anything I would probably enjoy one with him… Out of interest why do u smoke ? I do for depression anxiety and chronic pain I can also teach you some science to help you get the best from it however I will say this show CBD weed like sour diesel u could even tell them to give it to the Law to analize they would not find a decent amount of THC so it’s legal industrial hemp the actual Latin genus is still cannabis L sativa for both types I understand if you wanna get high CBD Sour diesel etc would be a waste of your time as you won’t get high just slight tiredness and relaxation I have smoked weed for 20 years and it’s possibly one of the only reason I’m here still without it. Life really seems not worth living.
You could pull up some info on CBD cannabis buds maybe it’s time for you to educate your parents saying that and reading your post it seems they are very stuck in there ways…RSO Rick Simpson oil cured cancer but it’s illegal please feel free to chat to me I am going to hope you get in touch while I roll and smoke a spliff because at the end of the day it’s our life not theirs …..ps the secret of life on a lighter note is This Is Not A Drill.? please remember people vent when upset. I do I’m sure u do. I went on hunger strike with no water 5days then I had a spliff my spirits lifted and I explained to my mother who knows I’m in pain and depressed the only reason I’m eating and drinking again was because I had a spliff she was more relieved that I started eating and drinking again. Don’t get me wrong she would rather me not smoke but it’s my life if she wanted a Joint I would never dream of saying u hypocrite I might think it but equally it’s her life her choice. Feel free to talk to me anytime I might live across the pond but I will always be there for someone in need, maybe I’m a compassionate kinda guy ( at least I hope I am ) also I would like to point that even a friend you might meet online might make all the difference stay beautiful! life is full of worries and pain just remember it’s your life no there’s. Serious advice don’t keep it in the house ever again. Our problem is we care too much, shame there is not many who appreciate us for who we are. I hope I have helped or can help as I said I’m always there for u there is not enough beautiful people in this world so it seems I wanna make sure you stay, without love peace and beauty what do we have ? A messed up world ( sorry even more messed up )

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