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Horrible Thought

by AshCoveredAngel

I doubt anyone follows what I post on here, I’m new-ish and I don’t interact much.

Anyways I’ve mentioned before I’m pregnant.

Which means according to my own rules suicide it off limits. I have a rule “do no physical harm to another” I’m totally pro-choice and viability is a thing but I still have respect for *potential* life.

That doesn’t stop me from desiring to commit suicide or frequently thinking of death. It’s highly likely that I will not chose to make it through postpartum depression again. I’ve fought enough in this life to only face more misery. We’ll see I guess

I’d be grateful if I could just die of a stroke during this pregnancy. It’s not a common occurrence but common enough it’s heard of.

Only one thing though, little fetus is now developed enough to have 2 viability milestones. Still only 39% survival chance if born this week. Said fetus would still be ‘alive’ even if I died. Only momentarily.

Suddenly their environment would get quieter, they might even feel some kind of impact if I were standing during such an event. Then oxygen would deplete because my blood would no longer pump through the emblical cord. My heart would be stopped but theirs wouldn’t. They’d be left with the solitary beating heart and thrashing body as they tried to take in air with their underdeveloped lungs to only drown in amniotic fluid.

Even if someone could call rescue there would be no way to save the both of us. It would he me (if the stroke wasn’t an instantaneous death) or. The fetus by cutting them out of me of possible. Even then we’d probably both be dead, fetus severely damaged to the point where quality of life isn’t worth the existence.

Mostly an onlooker would just have to watch my stomach move in erratic and large movements until the fetus dies.

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SadPotato 6/24/2016 - 6:12 am

That’s a good rule to have, to do no physical harm to others. I’m truly sorry that you’re having these thoughts. I’m also sorry that I’ve got no useful advice for your situation. I’m way out of my depth with pregnancy and postpartum depression. The only thing that I can say is that maybe this birth will be different, I truly hope so.

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