A while back, I was thinking about the idea of martyrdom and the nobility of dying, from which I came up with the notion: what if some of the martyrs that sacrificed themselves for the sake of others wanted to die? People like to think of martyrs being dealt an unfair hand in circumstances where their lives are sacrificed in exchange for the life of one or lives of many. And this would be the case, unless the hero or heroine already had a death wish. Like a true opportunist, they wanted their final going out to be noble and selfless, so they extended their suicidal temperaments for the sake of someone else. Not to put a positive light on certain suicidal motives, but it might be more common than not, especially where self-sacrifice is not the only option. Just a thought.
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I believe that some of them absolutely did want to die, although not necessarily because they were suicidal but because they truly saw it as the greatest way that they could serve God (and were probably looking forward to Heaven too).
I remember reading a treatise (must have been 17th century) written by a Portuguese priest encouraging missionaries to go to Japan in hopes that they would be caught and martyred. I wish I could remember his name or the name of the text. I believe I even own it, buried down in a box somewhere.
As someone with little to no personality, martyrdom has always appealed to me. So far as I’m aware no one has yet claimed the leadership role of the Keep Right Pass Left movement. I’m talking about our traffic law that requires motorists to stay in the right lane of a multi-lane highway. This allows people who would like to travel at a higher rate of speed passing on the left to get where they need to go uninhibited. It’s one of the few sensible laws and it’s exactly the only law that never seems to be enforced. You’ll get accosted and harassed for not wearing your seatbelt, but hold up traffic and its no problem. Anyway, I used to think I was the only one who gets irked by this but I’ve found that there are a lot of people who understand. Once a few years ago I saw a guy driving, weaving in and out of lanes of course, because the knuckleheads (no offense to left-lane leisurists) were out taking up any and every random lane all at the same speed. When he was passing me I saw a bunch of stickers littering his car, all of them citing the actual NJ statutes of this particular law. This guy gets it I’m thinking and he’s not afraid to make a statement. He’s a true loyalist to the cause. I caught up to him and gave him the thumbs up and nod of approval but he didnt notice and sped off naturally, as I’m sure he had somewhere important to go and was being held up. It got me thinking that I was not alone and if I ever found myself approached and recruited for it, I would definitely consider placing one or two boldly worded bumper stickers on my car.
In seriousness, the way I look at it (especially as a man) is that I’m mostly here in life to work and be disposable. I dont lament that fact and accept it as my responsibility but I fear doing all of the wrong things and spending the time in vain. I dont even know what Im talking about now. All Im trying to say I guess is we all have to fill our time doing something, and we make decisions according to some beliefs and in that way we’re all martyrs because death is a given.